My 10 Year Rule

The 10 Year Rule

Typically when I create my blogs, I like to actually talk about general topics. I like to stay more along the lines of things that everyone can relate to and a consensus of thoughts from the majority much more than my personal beliefs. But, today this isn’t one of those topics. This one is more of a personal 10 year rule that I have given myself since I was maybe 19 years old. I once had a person tell me “You don’t know if a person really loves you until you give them every reason not to love you and they still do.” See I’m the type of dude that if you tell me something and it’s kind of deep, I will sit back and let that marinate. If I watch movies, TV, random conversations, etc. and a statement is made to make me think I will really think about it. So as my young self sat there at 19 thinking about that I said “hmmm….that’s deep….”. I mean at the time, I didn’t give a fuck about a person loving me though. You think I cared if a chick loved me if I was good or bad? Shittttt…. I only cared if she loved me for the 2 minutes and 32 seconds it took me to cum……… ok I’m lying….. 1 minute and 32 seconds to cum. I was counting me taking off my clothes the first time. I didn’t care if she had some deep connection or love for me. I was 19! I was only concerned with the simple things in life like video games, music and new pussy! Love? Who needs love when you got new pussy and sloppy blowjobs from different females? But even though I didn’t give a damn about love, that quote made me really think about love for the future. It made me really stop and think that maybe love was something to try one day. So that day was the first day that I considered the Quis “10 year rule”.

Now the first thing you must know about the 10 year rule is it’s not the all be all of rules. There are most definitely exceptions. Like I said these are more my personal set of rules that I go by. Most chicks who have ever talked to me for an extended period of time have heard of the “10 Year Rule”. Its only 2 things I take very serious in this world as far as commitments go and that’s fatherhood and marriage. Everything else is kind of for the birds. O she my girlfriend, O he’s my man.. ooooo shut the fuck up! Don’t nobody care anything about that because that person is not REALLY committed to you. People come and go all the time in relationships. It’s in a human nature to cheat in life in my opinion. You have been cheating as long as you have been living rather or not you realize it or not. You cheated on school test, you cheated on Christmas when you would rip the edge of the paper off the gift to see what color the box was, you cheated when somebody say you can have a bite of their sandwich and you take the biggest bite you can, you cheat when you drive your vehicle everyday because you see the damn speed limit 55 and your ignorant ass still push 65 everyday…..hell you even cheating right now because half of you mothafuckas should be working right now but instead you acting like your busy and reading this damn blog. See how we cheat? It’s what we do as human beings. So I say all this to understand exactly where the key basic essential rules for the “10 year rule” comes from. Cheating isn’t a deal breaker in the 10 years its more like an obstacle.

Now with those 2 things out of the way we can get to the “10 Year rule”. It’s a proven fact these days that majority of marriages now a days end in divorce. People leave for a lot of different reasons in these relationships and I personally don’t believe in divorce. I believe in till death do us part. So fair warning you marry me and want to leave? Bitch I got to kill your ass! I know it’s wrong and illegal, but hey you should’ve thought of that before you took the diamond. O, im going to OJ your mothafucking ass if you want to leave me! You thought I bought that white bronco just for the fuck of it? Na baby, that’s a reminder for your ass! This shit for life! So my 10 year plan is based off the principal that we are going to be together forever. Its easy to be fooled by partners telling you they love you, or they want to be with you and you’re their perfect mate and all that other bullshit people tell you, but the truth is you will never know how much they love you until you give them every reason not to and they still love you. Most people love is based off conditions and convenience. Most relationship these days aren’t actually based off love at all. You REALLY think that person you with love you? Hell no! You are together because it’s cheaper! You know how much it is to pay rent, child support, and car note and groceries nigga? You know Ramen noodles isn’t even 10 cent no more? You can’t afford to eat, live and pay for child support these days. Smart phone? Nigga you want a smart phone? You better be happy with an understanding phone. You are not going be able to afford no damn smart phone. Most relationship's really start based off of this convenience of living and the condition of you got your half and I got mine. This is the first level of trust that you must build in your relationship. If you can’t trust a person with finances, you won’t be able to trust they ass as your other half for the rest of your life. These basic values of my “10 Year Rule’s” are the most important. The fact of the matter is most relationships break up because of money. A broke mothafucka is a very unhappy mothafucka!

If by chance you can make it to a level of trust on the financial side, you can move on to the next level. Now building trust with the finances will typically take about 1-2 years. The first year it’s kind of rough and by the end of year 2, you should be able to depend on your other half when you need to without question. Now why a 2 year step? Well because honestly the first year or so you guys were probably just fucking! See the 10 year Rule is not totally about how long you guys were in a relationship. See the relationship aspect comes with its own set of issues, but you have to count when you guys first started dealing with each other. When you first meet a person everything is all good. New pussy, new dick, new stories you haven’t ever heard, new jokes… everything is new. All that new shit means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the long run! That isn’t the real person your dealing with its more like there directory person. That’s more like the automated voice person and we all know that thing is one of the most unhelpful inventions in the world! You need to get to the damn human operator! So that first year is you basically pressing 0 over and over again. Eventually you will get irritated but if you still holding the phone when you get a real person on the phone, then you felt like the wait was worth it. The next level is the patience stage. As you have been supremely irritated about the unhelpful “press 3 if you want to view your penis account” automated system, you now have to try to communicate with this person to resolve your issues. Sometimes yelling can get the problem resolved and other times being polite and courteous can get the problem solved. You have to feel out the situation and learn what technique you need to apply to resolve the situation to a satisfactory level. Sometimes this phone call can take another 2 years of services but if you can make it through the trust and communication stages, then your situation is something that can possibly go somewhere.

Now after you have gone through these stages of my 10 year rules, you reach one of the hardest stages. I like to call this the “Expiration” time period. This is the part of the relationship when you really realize how much you DON’T like this mothafucka you are dealing with. This is the stage when that person irritates you, the pussy just isn’t quite the same, you have heard all their damn stories, you hate that hair wrap thing she wear to bed, you hate the way they drive, you even hate the way they use the bathroom. You guys are fighting over things like “why the fuck you have to use so much tissue to wipe your ass??” You know those silly, dumb, pointless things that aren’t really important but you in a stage where you are thinking about new things again. You want to feel wanted again! You want to feel like you are important and new to this person. This is around the time where you start getting reckless. Flirting, Cheating, thinking of leaving and going your separate ways and things of that nature. This is the boring stage of your relationship and the boring stage most times or not is the end. Most times this will end your relationship because the new feeling of the new person can last a little while. To be honest this typically will end your relationship depending on how the new nigga or bitch play the situation. At this stage, your significant other might hate your guts, cut you off, call you all kinds of bitches, broke little dick, stank pussy, dirty shit stain drawls type mothafuckas. This is the part where your relationship will be made or broke. This is the part of your relationship where you will give your mate absolutely NO reason to love you. This stage can last for a year or 2 or forever depending on how bad the situation is. I will tell you this though, if over that time frame, you guys still find common grounds and can be civil even at that rough times and build a civil relationship, you guys love each other. Not that fake I love you or rebound love, but some genuine I love you type shit. That love is very important. If you are keeping up with me, in my rules you are damn near 5 to 6 years in your relationship before you can honestly say “I love you” and REALLY mean it!

Now we have the finances, communication and love aspect down, the next stage is based solely off potential. At this point you are about 5 to 6 years into your relationship, but love alone isn’t going to make your relationship work. You know her family, she knows your family, you probably fucking raw on the regular and not pulling out, she probably have hit you a couple times and he might’ve had to shake your ass up a couple times to because you went ham on him about something petty. You have probably had other partners, hated each other, told your friends you’re done with them and all of that type of talk hurt people do. At this point you notice your still with this person because you are comfortable. You are free to be who you are because you know for the most part this person understands who you are. You have showed them sides, cried and maybe even changed for them in certain aspects. At this point, you have to start seriously considering a long term relationship with this person. So you have to consider what the future can be like. Can I grow to have shit? Can I come up with this person? Can I rely on this person push come to shove? This is the part where you are comfortable and you accept the shit that irritates you and you don’t care about the dumb shit, but you think about can I raise a child with this person. Can I trust her to take care of my child if im gone. Can she make hard decisions? This is the part where the conditions start to change. This is the part where you see just how much a person love you.

At this point you close to the 9 year mark and you have to ask yourself do this person make me happy. If the answer is no, it might be time to call it quits and not waste anymore time because 10 is the cut off spot. At the 9 year mark if I can answer yes to that question, its time to go looking for the ring. Its time to accept something that is the basic principal of a long term committed relationship. The one thing that will truly decide whether or not this is a person you can be with. Unconditional love! You both have experienced enough shit in that 10 year span to HATE each other and you have both gave each other plenty of reasons to not love each other. Plenty fights, plenty fuck you’s, plenty I hate you’s, plenty I fucked your friend…..ok maybe not fucking my friend because that’s a INSTANT Ike Turner moment. Not quite OJ, but I will channel my inner Chris Brown if you fuck my homie and fuck you up!! 10 years is my personal bench mark, but some people might be 5, some people might experience all of that in 3 years. My personal mark is 10 because I know if I can deal with you for 10 and all the drama, hate, cut off’s, fuck you, swallowing of pride and confiding after 10 years? There is no question you are the one for me. Nobody has ever qualified for my 10 year rule. The closes was at the 8 year mark and even though I know she loved me we couldn’t make the other 2 work. Sometimes you can play a good game and lose in the final seconds of the fourth quarter. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad team, it just means you have to learn from your mistakes and play a better game next time. At the end of the day my only qualification for my wife is simple…unconditional love! I guess I just want her to love me when I have given her every reason not to…….

Fear

FEAR

When you ask someone what they fear, you typically get common answers. You will get something like “I fear snakes”, or “I fear dogs”, or “I aint scared of nothing” or something like….kids with a whorebag…. you know typical shit. I don’t think people really put that much thought into what things in life really scare them and what they are really afraid of. The true emotion of fear is a strong one when you really sit back and think about it. Its so much in life to fear and its so much in life the average person fear whether or not they realize it or not. It’s a lot easier to live a life where you actually convince yourself that you are not scared to die, rather than admit to yourself that you’re afraid to live! Living is a scary thing when you think about it. Not even the obvious things like violence, despair and the things that are obvious life deterrents, but just you’re every day things you encounter. Success is scary, love is scary, change is scary, growth is scary and it’s scary to be unafraid.

When you sit back and think about what its like to be successful, you think about money, cars, taking trips, shopping, having raw doggy sex with bad bitches who allow you to do all types of filthy nasty disgusting shit to them. You know? Things of that nature, but there are a lot of fears that comes with what it might take to be successful. A lot of times with success comes, sacrifice of relationships. When you’re striving to be successful, you put a lot of strain on relationships that you have built for a long time. Sometimes it’s as simple as you going in a different direction, other times its people feeling they deserve a portion of your success or you just reach a point where you have a one track mind of success. Sometimes in that mindset, you happen to lose yourself. You tend to blind yourself of things that makes you happy. Not the person that’s attempting to find success, but the person who you are. Deep down you are going to be you no matter what, but it’s sometimes scary on who you become to other people. It’s scary to know your going in a successful direction but knowing everyone around you ok being stuck in neutral. Its scary bringing new people in your circle with those ambitions you have when you know what to expect from those people who stuck in neutral. Sometimes being successful can be a lonely feeling. I can understand why celebrities turn to drug abuse and things of that nature because going from zero to sixty can be tough. When you move that fast, you not only leave others behind but sometimes you even leave yourself behind. That’s a scary thought!

Love….. Love probably is the scariest thing I think we deal with. I used to say I have never been in love before, but I think I have. I think I have experienced that feeling. The thing about love in its basic form and being IN LOVE in its truest form is it’s a scary emotion. Love takes a lot of trust and more importantly faith. To open up and express deep emotions with a person is a really scary thing to do. Everybody have inner thoughts they don’t want to share. Everybody have a stubborn side to them and everybody have a very cold closed side. Even when dealing with friends it’s hard because sometimes you question their motives, much less relationships. I think the reason why it’s so hard to love, is because of the fear of vulnerability. It’s a whole hell of a lot easier to stay enclosed and cold then it is to be vulnerable and open to a person. It’s easier to push a person away than it is to pull them closer when times hard. It’s a lot easier to yell when your angry than it is to talk about what you’re angry about. It’s scary for a person to know what you feel and think. It’s scary to think about what a person might actually do with the information if they know how you feel. It’s easier to dodge a problem than it is to address it sometimes. Plus, how do you address a problem with someone you love? How do you tell your homie he a bum ass nigga? How do you tell your homegirl she a selfish bitch? How do you tell your significant other you’re not happy? Do you just say it? Do you be straight up? Or do you try to figure a way to say it nicely out of fear of how they will take it?? Should you even be concerned with that fear when if you love them you should be able to express yourself freely?? Scary thought. I’ve heard everybody loves differently, but I don’t know if that’s true. I think everybody love with different levels of fear. Sometimes when a person say they hate you, its just there way of covering up how much they love you. Other times when a person says how much they love you, it’s just the fear of them being alone talking and not the true emotion of love. Love should be so simple, yet so complicated.

Change is scary to all! When you’re comfortable in what you have been doing for so long, it’s really scary to change up. You have the thought of well its worked for me all this time so why change now? Well, has it really? Sometimes what we are comfortable with isn’t what works at all. It might work to the outside, but inside the thoughts of change eat at you. People think about change of scenery, changing jobs, friends, mates, etc. but the reason they never go in is because change is scary. If you’re accustomed to a certain thing, it’s hard to change that. When I was 16 and left my hometown it was hard. Even though I knew damn well it wasn’t much in life to look forward by staying there, I KNEW my city! I knew what places was fun, I knew how to maneuver around my city, I knew which chicks would be pregnant by 7^th grade, I knew which niggas would shoot me, hell I even knew which bitches pussy stank. I knew what death was, I knew who was selling dope if I ever needed to get put on, and I just knew my environment. Leaving that, to come to a place where it’s predominately white, they don’t have family affairs at ojibway and people don’t shoot their guns off at midnight on new years eve was scary. Being in a classroom where kids actually listened was scary…I remember walking through the school like “ya aint got no smoke door here??”. Different environment and scary! Even though technically my environment I was accustomed to was way worse, it was what I was accustomed to. That was my norm! At the time that was normal… but sometimes your norm, is abnormal. Sometimes your comfort should be uncomfortable. Being 30 rocking long ass Tee Shirts and jeans saggin off your ass should feel wrong. With change comes maturity…with maturity comes change. With both sometimes comes fear! Fear of the change, fear of what others think and don’t tell yourself “I don’t care what others think”. BULLSHIT!!! We all do cause unfortunately its human nature to care. We all also share a fear of being unaccepted.

Fear controls a lot of our life whether we realize it or not. People fear being happy but at the same time fear being lonely. People fear forgiving but at the same time fear losing. People fear repeating a mistake but at the same fear correcting it…… What do you fear?? The bigger question is “What DON’T you fear?”