Fear

FEAR

When you ask someone what they fear, you typically get common answers. You will get something like “I fear snakes”, or “I fear dogs”, or “I aint scared of nothing” or something like….kids with a whorebag…. you know typical shit. I don’t think people really put that much thought into what things in life really scare them and what they are really afraid of. The true emotion of fear is a strong one when you really sit back and think about it. Its so much in life to fear and its so much in life the average person fear whether or not they realize it or not. It’s a lot easier to live a life where you actually convince yourself that you are not scared to die, rather than admit to yourself that you’re afraid to live! Living is a scary thing when you think about it. Not even the obvious things like violence, despair and the things that are obvious life deterrents, but just you’re every day things you encounter. Success is scary, love is scary, change is scary, growth is scary and it’s scary to be unafraid.

When you sit back and think about what its like to be successful, you think about money, cars, taking trips, shopping, having raw doggy sex with bad bitches who allow you to do all types of filthy nasty disgusting shit to them. You know? Things of that nature, but there are a lot of fears that comes with what it might take to be successful. A lot of times with success comes, sacrifice of relationships. When you’re striving to be successful, you put a lot of strain on relationships that you have built for a long time. Sometimes it’s as simple as you going in a different direction, other times its people feeling they deserve a portion of your success or you just reach a point where you have a one track mind of success. Sometimes in that mindset, you happen to lose yourself. You tend to blind yourself of things that makes you happy. Not the person that’s attempting to find success, but the person who you are. Deep down you are going to be you no matter what, but it’s sometimes scary on who you become to other people. It’s scary to know your going in a successful direction but knowing everyone around you ok being stuck in neutral. Its scary bringing new people in your circle with those ambitions you have when you know what to expect from those people who stuck in neutral. Sometimes being successful can be a lonely feeling. I can understand why celebrities turn to drug abuse and things of that nature because going from zero to sixty can be tough. When you move that fast, you not only leave others behind but sometimes you even leave yourself behind. That’s a scary thought!

Love….. Love probably is the scariest thing I think we deal with. I used to say I have never been in love before, but I think I have. I think I have experienced that feeling. The thing about love in its basic form and being IN LOVE in its truest form is it’s a scary emotion. Love takes a lot of trust and more importantly faith. To open up and express deep emotions with a person is a really scary thing to do. Everybody have inner thoughts they don’t want to share. Everybody have a stubborn side to them and everybody have a very cold closed side. Even when dealing with friends it’s hard because sometimes you question their motives, much less relationships. I think the reason why it’s so hard to love, is because of the fear of vulnerability. It’s a whole hell of a lot easier to stay enclosed and cold then it is to be vulnerable and open to a person. It’s easier to push a person away than it is to pull them closer when times hard. It’s a lot easier to yell when your angry than it is to talk about what you’re angry about. It’s scary for a person to know what you feel and think. It’s scary to think about what a person might actually do with the information if they know how you feel. It’s easier to dodge a problem than it is to address it sometimes. Plus, how do you address a problem with someone you love? How do you tell your homie he a bum ass nigga? How do you tell your homegirl she a selfish bitch? How do you tell your significant other you’re not happy? Do you just say it? Do you be straight up? Or do you try to figure a way to say it nicely out of fear of how they will take it?? Should you even be concerned with that fear when if you love them you should be able to express yourself freely?? Scary thought. I’ve heard everybody loves differently, but I don’t know if that’s true. I think everybody love with different levels of fear. Sometimes when a person say they hate you, its just there way of covering up how much they love you. Other times when a person says how much they love you, it’s just the fear of them being alone talking and not the true emotion of love. Love should be so simple, yet so complicated.

Change is scary to all! When you’re comfortable in what you have been doing for so long, it’s really scary to change up. You have the thought of well its worked for me all this time so why change now? Well, has it really? Sometimes what we are comfortable with isn’t what works at all. It might work to the outside, but inside the thoughts of change eat at you. People think about change of scenery, changing jobs, friends, mates, etc. but the reason they never go in is because change is scary. If you’re accustomed to a certain thing, it’s hard to change that. When I was 16 and left my hometown it was hard. Even though I knew damn well it wasn’t much in life to look forward by staying there, I KNEW my city! I knew what places was fun, I knew how to maneuver around my city, I knew which chicks would be pregnant by 7^th grade, I knew which niggas would shoot me, hell I even knew which bitches pussy stank. I knew what death was, I knew who was selling dope if I ever needed to get put on, and I just knew my environment. Leaving that, to come to a place where it’s predominately white, they don’t have family affairs at ojibway and people don’t shoot their guns off at midnight on new years eve was scary. Being in a classroom where kids actually listened was scary…I remember walking through the school like “ya aint got no smoke door here??”. Different environment and scary! Even though technically my environment I was accustomed to was way worse, it was what I was accustomed to. That was my norm! At the time that was normal… but sometimes your norm, is abnormal. Sometimes your comfort should be uncomfortable. Being 30 rocking long ass Tee Shirts and jeans saggin off your ass should feel wrong. With change comes maturity…with maturity comes change. With both sometimes comes fear! Fear of the change, fear of what others think and don’t tell yourself “I don’t care what others think”. BULLSHIT!!! We all do cause unfortunately its human nature to care. We all also share a fear of being unaccepted.

Fear controls a lot of our life whether we realize it or not. People fear being happy but at the same time fear being lonely. People fear forgiving but at the same time fear losing. People fear repeating a mistake but at the same fear correcting it…… What do you fear?? The bigger question is “What DON’T you fear?”