The Dynamic Failure

The Dynamic Failure of X,Y,Z.

Every relationship goes through its up's and downs, valleys and peaks, thoughts of happiness and thoughts of attempted murder. I guess it's all part of the relationship game. You ever been watching Dexter or CSI? Then you started to instantly plot the death of your mate? It’s a normal action because I’m sure your mate has also thought about murdering your ass at moments too. The thing about relationships whether it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend, homie, family member or any other person, every relationship is built off standard foundations. I like to call these the bases of the relationship or the “dynamic”. The biggest reason most relationships fails and take turns for the worse is because the relationship dynamic changes and once that dynamic change, its hard to damn near impossible to get it back. The dynamic isn’t something that can be faked or even acknowledged. The original dynamic is just that…dynamic. Its unspoken, it just happens but that unspoken dynamic will make or break your relationship because of the XYZ steps. A relationship is broken into 3 different stages but even in these stages, that original dynamic must always remain in tact. Certain things can change but the dynamic needs to remain the same at all times!!!

Now first lets understand the different dynamics of a relationship. You can meet a person and from the jump you two can vibe on some silly making each other laugh type shit, or you can meet each other and instantly have a sexual vibe or maybe its just very good intellectual conversations, but no matter what that original dynamic is? That’s the bases of your relationship and that can NEVER change! So you cant meet a person and you two start off going out to eat and going to the movies and then a year later you don’t nothing with each other. That’s when you start getting the “we don’t never do anything” `conversations. You cant start off fucking and doing all types of porno shit then start having “Im tired” all the time sex. Reason I tell niggas quit spending all their damn money is because once you tricking is part of the original dynamic, your broke ass have to spend forever. Don’t be trying to make yourself a baller from the get go when you got bench warmer money. That false dynamic will be the failure of your relationship. None of these things needs to even be said, they just happen. You just meet people and the natural dynamics form. I have dynamics with certain people I couldn’t even describe but its just part of it and if it changes we change. Look at it like this, most people who can cook don’t measure their ingredients to fry chicken. They just grab their spices and take out their food and season it. You know what you like and how you like your food to taste yet you just with no thoughts  season your food then you cook it.. You don’t use a timer or some set of rules, you just feel when its time to flip it and cook the other side and you do it all by feeling and look. Then when its ready, you enjoy what you created. Your dynamic is the same way. You don’t measure how you season that chicken you just do, but I bet if at some point a person just took that chicken and fried it without any seasonings and you bite into a bland piece of chicken it will change your perception on that damn chicken wing. You can try to re add salt and pepper and hot sauce after the fact, but its just not same. Its just not the same as that original seasoned up chicken wing. So this brings me to the first step of the relationship and this is GETTING a person. You have to do XYZ to get a person. So whatever your initial thing was to catch this person, you must continue. If it started off with good mornings, good nights, weekend outings, random blowjobs, naked pictures, good conversations, the ability to be emotional, etc you have to keep that up! That can not change because if you start changing it, all your doing is taking the seasoning off of the chicken. Nobody likes to eat a bland ass piece of chicken, so name one person who wants to be in a bland relationship when they know how good the chicken used to be?

2^nd stage is KEEPING a person. At this stage you already have the person. Your dynamic is already formed and you both should know what its your bases to your relationship even if its never said. It could be the fact you guys are honest, stable or whatever but you both should understand what your relationship bases consist of. This is the time where consciously you know what you did to get a person , you must try hard to keep those things up. Sometimes in this stage its easy to start focusing on new wants and needs that wasn’t originally there. You might find yourself saying Im going to start doing this and that for this person and that’s all cool, but don’t forget where you 2 started at. Its ok to throw a steak in the mix every now and then, but bitch your ass better not be taking your ass to grocery store and forgetting my damn chicken! Bitch you aint get me with Steak, you got me with chicken wings. Yes I enjoy steak and it’s a good contrast time to time, but you know what I like! You know what got me and you know what you need to do to keep me happy! Keeping a person is much harder than getting them because since people think they are adding in new dynamics they start slipping on the original dynamics. This  is why I tell people don’t start something you cant keep up. Once you have brought it to the table from the jump it will be the expectations of you. Don’t start off cleaning and cooking and being cool about it, and then later you bitching and moaning every time you pick up a nigga sock. Your ass shouldve started out bitching from the jump so I have the option of keeping you or pitching your motherfucking ass! Just like you had to do XYZ to get a nigga, you also have to do XYZ to KEEP a nigga!

3^rd and most important stage is not LOSING a person! Now this is typically where the whole relationship breaks down at. This is typically the failure in the dynamics of the relationship. This is where over time people have grown selfish, they play the blame game on who changed, you don’t look the same no more, we don’t talk no more, pussy and dick done became expired because ya failed at the keep stage, so now people is making each other feel unwanted.Why would i want to be with a person who dont want me?. Now you have that well "I don’t need you attitude". Now you have that " I aint finna do shit and if you don’t like it you can go" attitude. This is why people stay getting divorced. Nobody cares enough to fight for a person because most people fail with keeping there original dynamics up so there is nothing in them that is scared to lose the person they are with. If you REALLY love a person, the thought of them not being around should scare the shit out of you! Why and HOW can you love a person and you let things that you ORIGINALLY was doing destroy your bond? Was there ever really a bond? Was there ever love? Shit what is love if you can on drop of a dime turn it on and off? Could you turn off loving your mother? Or your child? Then why is so easy to turn off a person you claim you love? Is it because you cant remake that child or that mother? Or is it because you’re scared to death to think of your life without those people… If your scared to lose the person you love, you should’ve been trying your hardest to never get to a point of losing them. You should’ve tried your hardest to continue doing XYZ to get them, XYZ to keep them and XYZ not to lose them! You cant do X and Z or X and Y, it takes everything that originally started it to continue it.   Otherwise you have a incomplete alphabet and most importantly a incomplete relationship. Once you have that, you  have a dynamic failure!

My 10 Year Rule

The 10 Year Rule

Typically when I create my blogs, I like to actually talk about general topics. I like to stay more along the lines of things that everyone can relate to and a consensus of thoughts from the majority much more than my personal beliefs. But, today this isn’t one of those topics. This one is more of a personal 10 year rule that I have given myself since I was maybe 19 years old. I once had a person tell me “You don’t know if a person really loves you until you give them every reason not to love you and they still do.” See I’m the type of dude that if you tell me something and it’s kind of deep, I will sit back and let that marinate. If I watch movies, TV, random conversations, etc. and a statement is made to make me think I will really think about it. So as my young self sat there at 19 thinking about that I said “hmmm….that’s deep….”. I mean at the time, I didn’t give a fuck about a person loving me though. You think I cared if a chick loved me if I was good or bad? Shittttt…. I only cared if she loved me for the 2 minutes and 32 seconds it took me to cum……… ok I’m lying….. 1 minute and 32 seconds to cum. I was counting me taking off my clothes the first time. I didn’t care if she had some deep connection or love for me. I was 19! I was only concerned with the simple things in life like video games, music and new pussy! Love? Who needs love when you got new pussy and sloppy blowjobs from different females? But even though I didn’t give a damn about love, that quote made me really think about love for the future. It made me really stop and think that maybe love was something to try one day. So that day was the first day that I considered the Quis “10 year rule”.

Now the first thing you must know about the 10 year rule is it’s not the all be all of rules. There are most definitely exceptions. Like I said these are more my personal set of rules that I go by. Most chicks who have ever talked to me for an extended period of time have heard of the “10 Year Rule”. Its only 2 things I take very serious in this world as far as commitments go and that’s fatherhood and marriage. Everything else is kind of for the birds. O she my girlfriend, O he’s my man.. ooooo shut the fuck up! Don’t nobody care anything about that because that person is not REALLY committed to you. People come and go all the time in relationships. It’s in a human nature to cheat in life in my opinion. You have been cheating as long as you have been living rather or not you realize it or not. You cheated on school test, you cheated on Christmas when you would rip the edge of the paper off the gift to see what color the box was, you cheated when somebody say you can have a bite of their sandwich and you take the biggest bite you can, you cheat when you drive your vehicle everyday because you see the damn speed limit 55 and your ignorant ass still push 65 everyday…..hell you even cheating right now because half of you mothafuckas should be working right now but instead you acting like your busy and reading this damn blog. See how we cheat? It’s what we do as human beings. So I say all this to understand exactly where the key basic essential rules for the “10 year rule” comes from. Cheating isn’t a deal breaker in the 10 years its more like an obstacle.

Now with those 2 things out of the way we can get to the “10 Year rule”. It’s a proven fact these days that majority of marriages now a days end in divorce. People leave for a lot of different reasons in these relationships and I personally don’t believe in divorce. I believe in till death do us part. So fair warning you marry me and want to leave? Bitch I got to kill your ass! I know it’s wrong and illegal, but hey you should’ve thought of that before you took the diamond. O, im going to OJ your mothafucking ass if you want to leave me! You thought I bought that white bronco just for the fuck of it? Na baby, that’s a reminder for your ass! This shit for life! So my 10 year plan is based off the principal that we are going to be together forever. Its easy to be fooled by partners telling you they love you, or they want to be with you and you’re their perfect mate and all that other bullshit people tell you, but the truth is you will never know how much they love you until you give them every reason not to and they still love you. Most people love is based off conditions and convenience. Most relationship these days aren’t actually based off love at all. You REALLY think that person you with love you? Hell no! You are together because it’s cheaper! You know how much it is to pay rent, child support, and car note and groceries nigga? You know Ramen noodles isn’t even 10 cent no more? You can’t afford to eat, live and pay for child support these days. Smart phone? Nigga you want a smart phone? You better be happy with an understanding phone. You are not going be able to afford no damn smart phone. Most relationship's really start based off of this convenience of living and the condition of you got your half and I got mine. This is the first level of trust that you must build in your relationship. If you can’t trust a person with finances, you won’t be able to trust they ass as your other half for the rest of your life. These basic values of my “10 Year Rule’s” are the most important. The fact of the matter is most relationships break up because of money. A broke mothafucka is a very unhappy mothafucka!

If by chance you can make it to a level of trust on the financial side, you can move on to the next level. Now building trust with the finances will typically take about 1-2 years. The first year it’s kind of rough and by the end of year 2, you should be able to depend on your other half when you need to without question. Now why a 2 year step? Well because honestly the first year or so you guys were probably just fucking! See the 10 year Rule is not totally about how long you guys were in a relationship. See the relationship aspect comes with its own set of issues, but you have to count when you guys first started dealing with each other. When you first meet a person everything is all good. New pussy, new dick, new stories you haven’t ever heard, new jokes… everything is new. All that new shit means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the long run! That isn’t the real person your dealing with its more like there directory person. That’s more like the automated voice person and we all know that thing is one of the most unhelpful inventions in the world! You need to get to the damn human operator! So that first year is you basically pressing 0 over and over again. Eventually you will get irritated but if you still holding the phone when you get a real person on the phone, then you felt like the wait was worth it. The next level is the patience stage. As you have been supremely irritated about the unhelpful “press 3 if you want to view your penis account” automated system, you now have to try to communicate with this person to resolve your issues. Sometimes yelling can get the problem resolved and other times being polite and courteous can get the problem solved. You have to feel out the situation and learn what technique you need to apply to resolve the situation to a satisfactory level. Sometimes this phone call can take another 2 years of services but if you can make it through the trust and communication stages, then your situation is something that can possibly go somewhere.

Now after you have gone through these stages of my 10 year rules, you reach one of the hardest stages. I like to call this the “Expiration” time period. This is the part of the relationship when you really realize how much you DON’T like this mothafucka you are dealing with. This is the stage when that person irritates you, the pussy just isn’t quite the same, you have heard all their damn stories, you hate that hair wrap thing she wear to bed, you hate the way they drive, you even hate the way they use the bathroom. You guys are fighting over things like “why the fuck you have to use so much tissue to wipe your ass??” You know those silly, dumb, pointless things that aren’t really important but you in a stage where you are thinking about new things again. You want to feel wanted again! You want to feel like you are important and new to this person. This is around the time where you start getting reckless. Flirting, Cheating, thinking of leaving and going your separate ways and things of that nature. This is the boring stage of your relationship and the boring stage most times or not is the end. Most times this will end your relationship because the new feeling of the new person can last a little while. To be honest this typically will end your relationship depending on how the new nigga or bitch play the situation. At this stage, your significant other might hate your guts, cut you off, call you all kinds of bitches, broke little dick, stank pussy, dirty shit stain drawls type mothafuckas. This is the part where your relationship will be made or broke. This is the part of your relationship where you will give your mate absolutely NO reason to love you. This stage can last for a year or 2 or forever depending on how bad the situation is. I will tell you this though, if over that time frame, you guys still find common grounds and can be civil even at that rough times and build a civil relationship, you guys love each other. Not that fake I love you or rebound love, but some genuine I love you type shit. That love is very important. If you are keeping up with me, in my rules you are damn near 5 to 6 years in your relationship before you can honestly say “I love you” and REALLY mean it!

Now we have the finances, communication and love aspect down, the next stage is based solely off potential. At this point you are about 5 to 6 years into your relationship, but love alone isn’t going to make your relationship work. You know her family, she knows your family, you probably fucking raw on the regular and not pulling out, she probably have hit you a couple times and he might’ve had to shake your ass up a couple times to because you went ham on him about something petty. You have probably had other partners, hated each other, told your friends you’re done with them and all of that type of talk hurt people do. At this point you notice your still with this person because you are comfortable. You are free to be who you are because you know for the most part this person understands who you are. You have showed them sides, cried and maybe even changed for them in certain aspects. At this point, you have to start seriously considering a long term relationship with this person. So you have to consider what the future can be like. Can I grow to have shit? Can I come up with this person? Can I rely on this person push come to shove? This is the part where you are comfortable and you accept the shit that irritates you and you don’t care about the dumb shit, but you think about can I raise a child with this person. Can I trust her to take care of my child if im gone. Can she make hard decisions? This is the part where the conditions start to change. This is the part where you see just how much a person love you.

At this point you close to the 9 year mark and you have to ask yourself do this person make me happy. If the answer is no, it might be time to call it quits and not waste anymore time because 10 is the cut off spot. At the 9 year mark if I can answer yes to that question, its time to go looking for the ring. Its time to accept something that is the basic principal of a long term committed relationship. The one thing that will truly decide whether or not this is a person you can be with. Unconditional love! You both have experienced enough shit in that 10 year span to HATE each other and you have both gave each other plenty of reasons to not love each other. Plenty fights, plenty fuck you’s, plenty I hate you’s, plenty I fucked your friend…..ok maybe not fucking my friend because that’s a INSTANT Ike Turner moment. Not quite OJ, but I will channel my inner Chris Brown if you fuck my homie and fuck you up!! 10 years is my personal bench mark, but some people might be 5, some people might experience all of that in 3 years. My personal mark is 10 because I know if I can deal with you for 10 and all the drama, hate, cut off’s, fuck you, swallowing of pride and confiding after 10 years? There is no question you are the one for me. Nobody has ever qualified for my 10 year rule. The closes was at the 8 year mark and even though I know she loved me we couldn’t make the other 2 work. Sometimes you can play a good game and lose in the final seconds of the fourth quarter. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad team, it just means you have to learn from your mistakes and play a better game next time. At the end of the day my only qualification for my wife is simple…unconditional love! I guess I just want her to love me when I have given her every reason not to…….

Fear

FEAR

When you ask someone what they fear, you typically get common answers. You will get something like “I fear snakes”, or “I fear dogs”, or “I aint scared of nothing” or something like….kids with a whorebag…. you know typical shit. I don’t think people really put that much thought into what things in life really scare them and what they are really afraid of. The true emotion of fear is a strong one when you really sit back and think about it. Its so much in life to fear and its so much in life the average person fear whether or not they realize it or not. It’s a lot easier to live a life where you actually convince yourself that you are not scared to die, rather than admit to yourself that you’re afraid to live! Living is a scary thing when you think about it. Not even the obvious things like violence, despair and the things that are obvious life deterrents, but just you’re every day things you encounter. Success is scary, love is scary, change is scary, growth is scary and it’s scary to be unafraid.

When you sit back and think about what its like to be successful, you think about money, cars, taking trips, shopping, having raw doggy sex with bad bitches who allow you to do all types of filthy nasty disgusting shit to them. You know? Things of that nature, but there are a lot of fears that comes with what it might take to be successful. A lot of times with success comes, sacrifice of relationships. When you’re striving to be successful, you put a lot of strain on relationships that you have built for a long time. Sometimes it’s as simple as you going in a different direction, other times its people feeling they deserve a portion of your success or you just reach a point where you have a one track mind of success. Sometimes in that mindset, you happen to lose yourself. You tend to blind yourself of things that makes you happy. Not the person that’s attempting to find success, but the person who you are. Deep down you are going to be you no matter what, but it’s sometimes scary on who you become to other people. It’s scary to know your going in a successful direction but knowing everyone around you ok being stuck in neutral. Its scary bringing new people in your circle with those ambitions you have when you know what to expect from those people who stuck in neutral. Sometimes being successful can be a lonely feeling. I can understand why celebrities turn to drug abuse and things of that nature because going from zero to sixty can be tough. When you move that fast, you not only leave others behind but sometimes you even leave yourself behind. That’s a scary thought!

Love….. Love probably is the scariest thing I think we deal with. I used to say I have never been in love before, but I think I have. I think I have experienced that feeling. The thing about love in its basic form and being IN LOVE in its truest form is it’s a scary emotion. Love takes a lot of trust and more importantly faith. To open up and express deep emotions with a person is a really scary thing to do. Everybody have inner thoughts they don’t want to share. Everybody have a stubborn side to them and everybody have a very cold closed side. Even when dealing with friends it’s hard because sometimes you question their motives, much less relationships. I think the reason why it’s so hard to love, is because of the fear of vulnerability. It’s a whole hell of a lot easier to stay enclosed and cold then it is to be vulnerable and open to a person. It’s easier to push a person away than it is to pull them closer when times hard. It’s a lot easier to yell when your angry than it is to talk about what you’re angry about. It’s scary for a person to know what you feel and think. It’s scary to think about what a person might actually do with the information if they know how you feel. It’s easier to dodge a problem than it is to address it sometimes. Plus, how do you address a problem with someone you love? How do you tell your homie he a bum ass nigga? How do you tell your homegirl she a selfish bitch? How do you tell your significant other you’re not happy? Do you just say it? Do you be straight up? Or do you try to figure a way to say it nicely out of fear of how they will take it?? Should you even be concerned with that fear when if you love them you should be able to express yourself freely?? Scary thought. I’ve heard everybody loves differently, but I don’t know if that’s true. I think everybody love with different levels of fear. Sometimes when a person say they hate you, its just there way of covering up how much they love you. Other times when a person says how much they love you, it’s just the fear of them being alone talking and not the true emotion of love. Love should be so simple, yet so complicated.

Change is scary to all! When you’re comfortable in what you have been doing for so long, it’s really scary to change up. You have the thought of well its worked for me all this time so why change now? Well, has it really? Sometimes what we are comfortable with isn’t what works at all. It might work to the outside, but inside the thoughts of change eat at you. People think about change of scenery, changing jobs, friends, mates, etc. but the reason they never go in is because change is scary. If you’re accustomed to a certain thing, it’s hard to change that. When I was 16 and left my hometown it was hard. Even though I knew damn well it wasn’t much in life to look forward by staying there, I KNEW my city! I knew what places was fun, I knew how to maneuver around my city, I knew which chicks would be pregnant by 7^th grade, I knew which niggas would shoot me, hell I even knew which bitches pussy stank. I knew what death was, I knew who was selling dope if I ever needed to get put on, and I just knew my environment. Leaving that, to come to a place where it’s predominately white, they don’t have family affairs at ojibway and people don’t shoot their guns off at midnight on new years eve was scary. Being in a classroom where kids actually listened was scary…I remember walking through the school like “ya aint got no smoke door here??”. Different environment and scary! Even though technically my environment I was accustomed to was way worse, it was what I was accustomed to. That was my norm! At the time that was normal… but sometimes your norm, is abnormal. Sometimes your comfort should be uncomfortable. Being 30 rocking long ass Tee Shirts and jeans saggin off your ass should feel wrong. With change comes maturity…with maturity comes change. With both sometimes comes fear! Fear of the change, fear of what others think and don’t tell yourself “I don’t care what others think”. BULLSHIT!!! We all do cause unfortunately its human nature to care. We all also share a fear of being unaccepted.

Fear controls a lot of our life whether we realize it or not. People fear being happy but at the same time fear being lonely. People fear forgiving but at the same time fear losing. People fear repeating a mistake but at the same fear correcting it…… What do you fear?? The bigger question is “What DON’T you fear?”