Swimmers and Floaters

Swimmers and Floaters

You may have heard the saying “there are 2 people in the world” before and it’s a lot of different variations that follow. Sometimes it’s followed by “People who wish and people who do” or “Ones who make things happen and those who watch things happen” etc. So one day I was sitting home watching a TV show and in the show it was somebody drowning in this river. So as this person kicked away panicking in the river about drowning because they couldn't swim, I started having these random thoughts. So in typical white people movie plots, some person comes out of nowhere and jumps in and saves the person. White people are so damn heroic in movies! They will save a kitten in a volcano! Any way back to the topic.  So after the person saves the person, he asked are you ok? Why were you in the river if you can’t swim? So the lady looks at him and says “I don’t know... I guess I just wanted to get away”. So the rest of this conversation became irrelevant to me as this movie actually was fucking garbage. So trash, I didn't even finish it and don’t even remember the name of it but it was on Netflix. That scene made my mind go into work mode and that’s when I created my own concept on the 2 different people in the world. Its swimmers and floaters! I’m going to break down the differences between the 2 and it may be certain times in life when people can swim and float but for the most part, I would say the majority of the people in the world will fit into one or the other.

I have a different type of mind this I know. I think about different things and I try to look deeper into things. Sometimes I shouldn't even care, but I like to think about what a person may be trying to communicate vs what they are actually saying. My little brother died drowning by attempting to save another kid. My little brother died being a real hero not a white person movie hero where they fight big ass transformers or anything. So me knowing he gave his life helping another kid, I think “if dead bodies can just float to shore, if that kid wouldn't have panicked and just relaxed he would've saved his and my brother life.” That may not be cool to say, but it’s true. People panic in situations and sometimes make it worse when they could just be still and at least survive. So if you were stranded out in the middle of a lake and was too just be still and not make any moves, you could survive! You would just float to wherever the waves take you. You may float out there in that lake for weeks but eventually you will float to a shore somewhere. Where? Who knows because you are just floating along to where this wave takes you. You are not putting in any effort to control where you’re going because you’re just trying to survive. In your mind, all you are thinking about is making it out of this river and surviving. You don’t care how you make it out or where you end up at as long as you can survive. See a floater could be floating and see the land and maybe have the thought of “Maybe I could just swim to that land” but they won’t because they are very comfortable with floating. I mean they've floated this far by just going with the waves so why change now? Floaters will always survive, they will just always have little control on how they survive. Everything about a floaters mind set is comfort and surviving. It’s no chances or risk being taken. They float in all aspects of life. Goals, careers, dreams, relationships, knowledge, etc. A floater is the person that may get offered a new job and stay put at the old one because it’s something they know. A floater may keep friends around who they know are bad people because they are comfortable with them. A bad relationship because they are not sure what a good one could feel like and because they are comfortable with their expectations in the bad one. In the big scheme of things, it’s nothing wrong with being a floater because at the end of the day you will survive… unless you run into a big ass shark who eats you alive! Now you done floated your ass into jaws and jaws will fuck you up! Ok… I’m kidding but a floater will always find a way to live. But a swimmer? Will fight to live!

The other type of person in the world are swimmers! See swimmers live by a whole different mentality. A swimmer don’t believe in just floating to wherever the waves will take them, the swimmer rather control their own destiny and GO to the land! See a swimmer will rationalize in their mind if I swim this way it may be a hard journey and it may not be easy to get there, but I am swimming over there to get out of this water. See a swimmers mentality isn’t to survive, but to live. They are not concerned with the easy routes of survival, yet they are all about adapting to change in order to live. They might back stroke, they may swim under water, and they may frog swim, but no matter what they need to do to get to that land that they want? They will attempt to make it happen! A swimmer fully understands they might not make it to that land and they may fail in the process but the swimmers also believes if they don’t fail it’s much more rewarding to know they went and got what they wanted. Swimmers have aggressive mentalities about things they want. Swimmers are willing to lose to win. They accept and run to change that they deem is worth the risk. It’s a risk to swim to land but it’s a worthy risk in order to live. Swimmers take the risk of maybe being wrong because they deem it worth it. When a swimmer fail? They fail big! They fall on their face hard, but when they win? They win big! Swimmers are always looking for a way out of the water to get back on land and once they are on land? They probably will figure a way to own the water they just got out of. Swimmers don’t wait they swim! If physically swimming is one of the most excruciating exercises you could do, why wouldn't mentally swimming be the same way?

Look at it this way, Floaters may buy a McDonald's restaurant ….. Swimmers would create Google. McDonald's is easy and will make you profits if you own your own McDonald's…but if you create the next Google, Apple, Facebook, you would laugh at a person who owns a McDonald's. Not that the floater isn't successful, it’s that the swimmer is willing to do what a floater isn't. Willing to swim for their happiness not float to it. Willing to take a chance and create what they want rather than find the easy way. Floaters think about change, but swimmers create change. Both floaters and swimmers may want to grow but its different levels and different ways to go about it. You could take the risk or do it the easy way. It’s a natural action to grow. You grow from the time you’re born physically. As you live life you should grow mentally. Things I used to enjoy, don’t give me the same enjoyment anymore because I've out grown them things. Thing about growing is you have to admit to yourself that you can longer fit the shit that you’re in. You can squeeze yourself in an uncomfortable situation all you want or you could quit short changing yourself and go get something you fit better with and be comfortable. I had a conversation once where I asked a girl would she swim for me. Her answer was she don’t know if she could swim. I respected that! I asked another girl would she swim and her answer was we can swim to wherever you want! Just the differences in people.  Floaters may attempt to squeeze, swimmers make the investment. Floaters think about the risk… Swimmers think about the rewards. A swimmer isn't scared of the possible failures… and even though at times a swimmer may use the technique to float to save energy, they will not live their life based off floating the same as a floater will not live their life off taking risks. So the question is…..are you a floater or a swimmer?

Bum Ass Niggas Is Winning

Bum A** N*ggas Is Winning

So as I sit at my desk at work, I hear my text notification on my phone go off. Now this is really nothing out of the ordinary because my damn phone is always going off for one reason or another. So I grabbed my phone and it's one of my female "friends". ( Ya know I don't believe in that male/female friend shit. You're either fucking or one of ya is waiting for the other person to allow you to fuck. That is a another topic that i will cover at another time. ) Now I'm sure I've shared this before that most of my home girls come to me like I'm Dr. Phil with their man problems. Now typically, I'll listen and give them my honest opinion on whatever they want to run by me. I think most of them do like my perspective because I'm always going to be brutally honest with them and not hold any punches. I am that person to tell her "because you stupid as shit for him and he knows it so he takes advantage of your emotional ass." Yes I know, a little harsh? But hey somebody has to be honest with you because I've come to realize most of the times your girls don't. They just want to play support system to your ass but it's not their fault because most of them suffer from the same personality as you. So as I'm reading yet another one of my home girls 6 page text moaning and complaining about the latest bum ass n*gga she is dealing with, I got instantly irritated. I had already been in a slightly irritable mood any damn way but this text just raised my irritation to red. Now at this very moment I had a epiphany! All these years I have had this all wrong! What hit me was, why do every dude my home girls want to run by me be the most not shit ass n*ggas? Why don't they ever run by me with some sh*t that I can be like "Oh that dude sounds cool! I think you should rock with him." Nope... Never! I would say they just have shitty ass taste, but I hear girls talk all the time and the stories always sound very similar. So this got me to thinking about a lot of things and I came to the conclusion.. Bum ass n*ggas? Is winning!

So before I really get into the breakdown of this, let me share a story that will all make sense later. I may have even told this story in a previous blog or maybe not....ahhh who gives a fuck if i did just listen again. So one time years ago, I was at work in the break room. So 2 black women ( One who eventually became the mother of my child ironically) came in the break room as I sat there eating some dinner I had cooked the day before. So one walks in and say's " oooo that looks good! I didn't know you had a woman!". So I looked up and said " I don't!" So her response was " well who cooked all that for you?". So with a look of what in the fuck do you mean sprouted all over my face I said " Me! I didn't know I needed a woman to feed me a home cooked meal." So after a couple comments back and forward with them, one of them ask me "Do you date black girls?". Now typical Quis almost called her a dumb bitch.. almost.. I felt it slidinggggg down my tongue to be like "what in the fuck? You a ole dumb bitch! Wtf you think?" But instead, I took a different approach and got curious to why would these 2 black women assume I didn't date black girls when I have only seriously dated black women my whole life. Now I have fucked on everything under the sun except a midget bitch but I will eventually knock that off too but I have never been committed with anything else. So their response was " Because you just too all together and stuff. Like you got your own crib, car, job, you're well spoken, you cooking for yourself..." So once again I'm sitting there with this confused ass look on my face. As they are running off all of these traits of a black dude who only dates white women, It started to hit me. They don't think they deserve a dude like me! The killer part about this was to me, I was just a pretty basic n*gga. I worked, handled my sh*t, made sure I obtained a certain lifestyle, I think I was working 2 jobs at the time and I was single just living and chilling. Pretty normal but for some reason, this all pointed towards he probably one of them dudes who dates white girls. Later come to find out one of them black women was kind of a runner ( slang for whore ) and the other was dating a drug dealer who eventually got locked up. Yea you guessed it.. my bm! smh So this even confused me more on why would it be assumed I wouldn't fuck with black women? Especially being that this wasn't even the first time I had heard this.

Now let's back track a little bit with this because it's important to try to figure out where in time did our black women go wrong with picking the men they choose to love. I think this sh*t goes all the way back to slavery. During slavery, It was a conscious effort made by plantation owners to demasculate ( Yea i made it up so!) the men of our families. They would try their hardest to break them down right in front of their women and children in order to create a complex in women mind's that your man is weak. Your man isn't strong enough to make sure you and your kids are safe and taken care of because he can't even make sure he is safe. LOOK! LOOK! You dirty black bitch LOOK at what I'm doing to your NIGGER husband! He is nothing! He needs you! But guess what? You can't save him!" So overtime this notion of maybe I don't need him and I alone can be strong enough for the family started to exist. I think we can all admit that at some point women most definitely came into their own as providers and what not. But you know what else happened? That whole notion of he needs you, he is nothing and you can't help him? Started to kick in on you too! If we fast forward to the crack era when males were basically enslaved again similar to the slave trade, but instead of a plantation owner grabbing a man and doing something in front of the women and child, they allowed the drugs to do it. The drugs made men look weak yet again or the men felt strong enough to do things in the streets and got they silly ass locked up but either way still once again leaving the women with this notion of I'll have to be strong for the family by myself. So even though women have this strong sense of I can do it on my own, they also share this sense of "he needs me and I have to help him because he will be nothing." Women think they can elevate a man to his highest self... you know for you slow chicks, women think they can upgrade a man. Well newsflash, you could never elevate a man to his highest self because not even Beyonce elevated Jay-Z because Jay-Z was already Jay-Z.

" We are better than you.." Patrice O'neal. Those are words from my favorite comedian ever! He had this conversation recorded discussing men just being better than women historically speaking. Now I know what's going to happen right now, all of you independent brain washed from slavery ass women is already in your feelings talking about "Ain't no man better than me!"..... Shut the fuck up! See that's your god damn problem! Pay attention and your stubborn ass might learn something. Let's have a totally hypothetical but true conversation. ( concept taken from Patrice ) If you take a King of a nation, any nation you want to use and that King went to Walmart and fell madly deeply in love with the cashier and wanted to marry her? Do you know what that woman would become? Yep! A fucking Queen! That man just by loving this woman who spends 40 hours a week bagging up deodorant and wife beaters have just became the Queen of a entire nation and will be recognized as so by all. Him loving this woman elevated her to the highest level of woman she could possibly reach and that is a Queen! She will give birth hopefully to the Prince and the chick who formally bagged your Dove soap is now royalty! Now on the flip side, if a Queen walked into Walmart and fell madly in love with a man working the register do you know what he becomes if she married him? Yep..NOTHING! He is just the ex Walmart employee who is bending over the Queen. She can't elevate that man to his highest self to where it's recognized and accepted by all. She might accept him as HER King, but he is no King to anybody else. Just a n*gga who got the Queen DICKstracted in her life decisions. So if even a Queen can't elevate a man to his highest self? How in the fuck do you think you can? "Ain't no man better than you." that's because you fucking with these Walmart cashier's instead of a man that can elevate you to your highest self. Your man SHOULD be better than you!! It's not your job to be better than him or to keep thinking you can save his ass. Before one of you smart ass women get on some shit like what about Oprah? She is a billionaire, super successful, powerful and all of that other shit right? So the question is why isn't she married? Because she understands she would have to be elevated by her man and don't none of them super rich n*ggas want Celly from the color purple. More importantly, do anybody give a flaming fuck about Stedman? All you know about that n*gga is he is the n*gga fucking Oprah. Nobody knows what he does and nobody really even gives a f*ck. She can't make no power couple with no damn Stedman and if she married him nobody would give a damn because he don't elevate her as a woman. But Ray-J put his dick in Kim K and recorded it and launched this bitch into worldwide stardom. That is called elevating!

Which brings me to my next thought, why in the fuck is women so damn loyal to these bum ass n*ggas? A bum ass n*gga can be unemployed all the damn time, can whop on your ass, can break you down mentally, etc and a woman will stick by his damn side no matter what! Not saying she wouldn't maybe go fuck on another n*gga or do little sh*t like which honestly don't mean nothing to her because she has absolutely no plans to leave her bum ass n*gga alone. So my question is why? Why the loyalty? Why the commitment? Then it hit me!! Women like fixing and changing shit! See us men? We don't REALLY like to fix shit we enjoy customizing shit. We like to buy our car already set but maybe we throw on some rims and some tints and we good. We like to buy our house already with the finish basement so we can throw a pool table in it and we are good. Even our women, we like her to already kind of have her shit together and we just kind of customize a couple things to fit our personalities and we good. Bum ass n*ggas though? Oh they customize ya as well to fit their personalities but they customize ya to be easily manipulated. It's 2 words that will make almost any woman fuck up what they know make sense in order to save her bum ass n*gga. Family and Love! Women get weak to that sh*t because it's embedded in a woman brain how important both of those things are and a bum most def know how to use that sh*t! Oh and don't let a n*gga pull a tear out on her ass...what? Nigga gone! You may not only save your bum ass living situation for another lease, but you will probably get some pussy that night too. See bum ass n*ggas have everything in life a bum can ask for. They typically have free room and board, very little responsibilities, total loyalty from their women, hot meals and in some cases these n*ggas even get allowance. I mean damn! The reason this can all happen is because women loves to fix and change shit! See when a woman buy's a home she say things like " baby I like this layout, maybe we can just get granite tops for the kitchen and change the shower heads." N*ggas don't care nothing bout no damn shower heads! Women do things like change the house around every couple months just to feel like she fixing and changing something. A n*ggas crib will look the exact same way for 17 years with the only changes being made is his damn TV.

Women will take her bum ass n*gga and attempt to help him because women love a damn project. One thing no girls in school did bad on was projects. Give their ass a paper? Might not do it. Give their ass a test? Might fail. Give their ass a presentation? They skipping class. Give their ass a project? N*gga they will Ace the fuck out of that shit! Chicks love projects so much, they create them shit's and try to give them little professional names. Like.... Makeovers! They will take their ugliest damn friend they know and make over her ugly ass for a project. Now they understand how ugly the b*tch is, but they can't help but take on the challenge of fixing her ugly ass. So if a woman will make over her ugly "bff" why wouldn't she make over her bum ass n*gga? Women look at their bum ass n*ggas like investments. If she has spent time, years and money into this bum ass n*gga? She will be damn if another b*tch EVER reaps any of them benefits from her project. Remember in school if people was like that was nice, the girl will be the first one to say "Nobody helped me i did it by myself". Women are not sharing anything because they're selfish about their projects. When a woman do let a project go and the next chick start on that project but can't fix it either? She get's a kick out of it. Like hahaahahaha bitch you can have him! That's only because he still a bum,  but let that bum n*gga win and even though he still may be a bum, pick up a better person working on his ass? I can guarantee you will see nothing but shade and hate from his ex. See women look at their bum ass n*ggas like Jesus. He don't have to show her a good man in him really EXIST, he just have to show her just enough for her to have FAITH that it is in there! A woman will hold tight to the good things in her bum ass n*gga just like a christian will giving praises to Jesus when they get a bonus check from work as if the other 720 employees didn't get that same check from the company for reaching their sales goals. Women praise their bums for all the minor sh*t they do because hey it gives them faith that he can change.

So in conclusion, I have realized there isn't no competing with these bum ass n*ggas. They're winning! It's a losing fight to ever think you can give advice, take her from her bum ass n*gga....well unless you got super long paper. Oh a bitch will not leave her bum for a better n*gga but she will for a rich n*gga! I had it wrong all of these years thinking that women want good men. They say all that sappy bullshit about they want a good man, who loves them, makes them laugh, bla bla bla. Bullshit! What the majority of these women now a day's truly want? Is fixable bums! Which brings me back to my story earlier about work. The reason they assumed I didn't fuck with black women was because I didn't seem fixable. "My shit was too together". A bum ass n*gga can show a woman just enough positive qualities that she think eventually he can be a full time good guy and her project is complete. But everything has good qualities and bad qualities. It's been serial killers who was devoted family men who raped and killed women in their spare time. Does that make them good people because they were great with their kids? See women being with these bum ass n*ggas have nothing to do with the bum ass n*ggas they constantly complaining about, but has way more to do with them feeling proud of their project! They just want to say "look i fixed it." I have been that homeboy to tell certain homegirl's "Yo you deserve better for yourself", but you know what? No you dont! You deserve exactly what you're dealing with. Because the truth is, only bum ass b*tches will remain loyal to bum ass n*ggas! Beyonce isn't upgrading or remaining loyal to no bum ass n*gga. She got ya talking all this bills, bills, bills, type shit while she catering to a n*gga who is better than her! It's not about your man being rich or nothing, but your man should ALWAYS be better than you because we are made to elevate the women we love! What the fuck is a n*gga underneath you going to elevate you to? All he will continue to do is bring you do to his bum ass level!!

Needs and Wants

Needs and Wants

Men think we know what women want and women think they know what men want. We both have these pre conceived notions on what the opposite sex needs to be happy. We both think we know the things to do that will keep our significant others happy and content. Some of us even think you can pretty much run the same script on woman after woman and male after male. Some of you are right because a lot of people are very simple minded and you can pretty much manipulate most people if you can read them. Then it’s other people who rather not manipulate you at all and be honest and upfront with each individual they come across. So if there are basic rules that you can do with different people, are there some things that is pretty consistent across the board as far as what each sex wants? YES! Now I’m going to give you all some game. The differences between man and woman are simple. Women move off wants, while Men move off need. If you don’t understand this concept, you will never truly be able to keep a person you’re in a committed relationship happy. Its things across the board that damn near every man needs and every woman wants.

Women have very simple and complex wants, but these wants are absolutely essential to keeping her happy. What does a woman want you may ask? Just that! A woman wants to be wanted! You think women put make up on, buy all these damn clothes, bags, accessories, big ass glasses to just look good for her? Please! Women insecure as hell and no matter what she wearing she will always see her flaws and imperfections no matter what she says. All it takes to make your girl day after she got her hair done is a simple “damn baby you looking beautiful with that style”.  Women love the feeling of being wanted and lusted after. They love the feeling of walking into a room and knowing every guy is looking at them. They love the feeling of being somewhere and knowing a guy can’t take their eyes off of her. Now don’t confuse this with a woman wanting to give that same attention back to every guy, but no matter what she says about dudes being thirsty or whatever other adjective she wants to use? She loves and craves that attention! Women get an emotional boost from the feeling of being wanted by men. Does this make her an attention seeking chick? No it just makes her a woman! So as her man, it is your  job to also make her feel as wanted and appreciated as possible because you better believe every time she walks out of the door there is another dude giving her that feeling. It doesn’t even matter if that feeling is genuine or not, it’s the feeling a woman crave. A woman will feel a since of attachment to a man who she feels love and want her. A woman can know you love her but if she doesn’t feel wanted? She will wonder. You have to and I know this is hard, make your woman feel like new p*ssy everyday of her life. Women don’t need to feel needed just wanted. She just needs to feel chosen in comparison to the next woman because most women are selfish and very competitive.  You have to make that woman feel more wanted than any other walking species on the face of planet earth because her feeling wanted will make her feel you are needed.   

Which brings me on to us as men and ladies what your man need?  Just that! He needs to be needed! The problem with 2014 females is too many damn Beyonce songs of being independent. Being independent is great and awesome for a woman. It’s great she can take care of herself and she can do for herself. I’m sure every man loves a woman who can hold down the Fort if need be, BUT we don’t care to hear about your independence. No man wants to hear that “ N*gga leave I don’t need your ass” sh*t. Why? Because as a man that’s one of the most disrespectful things you can say to us. If you don’t need us just leave us! Men like the feeling of being needed by his woman. We like the feeling of knowing our woman will put us over the next person because she feels she needs us. Men for the most part don’t necessarily care as much about the feeling of being wanted as you do needed. Why? Because we kind of egotistical creatures that feel all these chicks want us even if she don’t even know you exist. We stupid like that, but we don’t feel every woman needs us. A smart woman will never demean a man she loves to make him feel less needed because she understands the way a man minds work. See if a woman is NEEDED by her man? Then he is probably a bum who can’t do anything for himself without her. Now if a man is NEEDED by his woman? It means she could probably do things without you but she would rather do and share everything with you!  Our needs differ as well and sometimes what we need as a man might come across as a want to you but trust and believe that may be a very important need. See a man with a good woman knows she doesn’t need us, but we want her to never tell us she doesn’t need us. The same as a woman may know a man wants her, but she also want HER MAN to TELL her at times he wants her!

See we as men don’t know how to let our women know they are wanted because we feel we look lame, soft or thirsty, while women don’t know how to make their man feel needed because they feel it will look like they dependant or clingy. There is not a problem with making a person you love feel wanted and needed. We as men love the feel of new p*ssy right? Well women get the new p*ssy feeling from new compliments.  Just like if we aren’t sexually fulfilled we will look for new p*ssy, if they aren’t emotionally fulfilled they will look for new compliments. Trust and believe nobody wants or need anybody else offering new box or compliments to the person they love.  

Fighting Happiness

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The Dynamic Failure

The Dynamic Failure of X,Y,Z.

Every relationship goes through its up's and downs, valleys and peaks, thoughts of happiness and thoughts of attempted murder. I guess it's all part of the relationship game. You ever been watching Dexter or CSI? Then you started to instantly plot the death of your mate? It’s a normal action because I’m sure your mate has also thought about murdering your ass at moments too. The thing about relationships whether it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend, homie, family member or any other person, every relationship is built off standard foundations. I like to call these the bases of the relationship or the “dynamic”. The biggest reason most relationships fails and take turns for the worse is because the relationship dynamic changes and once that dynamic change, its hard to damn near impossible to get it back. The dynamic isn’t something that can be faked or even acknowledged. The original dynamic is just that…dynamic. Its unspoken, it just happens but that unspoken dynamic will make or break your relationship because of the XYZ steps. A relationship is broken into 3 different stages but even in these stages, that original dynamic must always remain in tact. Certain things can change but the dynamic needs to remain the same at all times!!!

Now first lets understand the different dynamics of a relationship. You can meet a person and from the jump you two can vibe on some silly making each other laugh type shit, or you can meet each other and instantly have a sexual vibe or maybe its just very good intellectual conversations, but no matter what that original dynamic is? That’s the bases of your relationship and that can NEVER change! So you cant meet a person and you two start off going out to eat and going to the movies and then a year later you don’t nothing with each other. That’s when you start getting the “we don’t never do anything” `conversations. You cant start off fucking and doing all types of porno shit then start having “Im tired” all the time sex. Reason I tell niggas quit spending all their damn money is because once you tricking is part of the original dynamic, your broke ass have to spend forever. Don’t be trying to make yourself a baller from the get go when you got bench warmer money. That false dynamic will be the failure of your relationship. None of these things needs to even be said, they just happen. You just meet people and the natural dynamics form. I have dynamics with certain people I couldn’t even describe but its just part of it and if it changes we change. Look at it like this, most people who can cook don’t measure their ingredients to fry chicken. They just grab their spices and take out their food and season it. You know what you like and how you like your food to taste yet you just with no thoughts  season your food then you cook it.. You don’t use a timer or some set of rules, you just feel when its time to flip it and cook the other side and you do it all by feeling and look. Then when its ready, you enjoy what you created. Your dynamic is the same way. You don’t measure how you season that chicken you just do, but I bet if at some point a person just took that chicken and fried it without any seasonings and you bite into a bland piece of chicken it will change your perception on that damn chicken wing. You can try to re add salt and pepper and hot sauce after the fact, but its just not same. Its just not the same as that original seasoned up chicken wing. So this brings me to the first step of the relationship and this is GETTING a person. You have to do XYZ to get a person. So whatever your initial thing was to catch this person, you must continue. If it started off with good mornings, good nights, weekend outings, random blowjobs, naked pictures, good conversations, the ability to be emotional, etc you have to keep that up! That can not change because if you start changing it, all your doing is taking the seasoning off of the chicken. Nobody likes to eat a bland ass piece of chicken, so name one person who wants to be in a bland relationship when they know how good the chicken used to be?

2^nd stage is KEEPING a person. At this stage you already have the person. Your dynamic is already formed and you both should know what its your bases to your relationship even if its never said. It could be the fact you guys are honest, stable or whatever but you both should understand what your relationship bases consist of. This is the time where consciously you know what you did to get a person , you must try hard to keep those things up. Sometimes in this stage its easy to start focusing on new wants and needs that wasn’t originally there. You might find yourself saying Im going to start doing this and that for this person and that’s all cool, but don’t forget where you 2 started at. Its ok to throw a steak in the mix every now and then, but bitch your ass better not be taking your ass to grocery store and forgetting my damn chicken! Bitch you aint get me with Steak, you got me with chicken wings. Yes I enjoy steak and it’s a good contrast time to time, but you know what I like! You know what got me and you know what you need to do to keep me happy! Keeping a person is much harder than getting them because since people think they are adding in new dynamics they start slipping on the original dynamics. This  is why I tell people don’t start something you cant keep up. Once you have brought it to the table from the jump it will be the expectations of you. Don’t start off cleaning and cooking and being cool about it, and then later you bitching and moaning every time you pick up a nigga sock. Your ass shouldve started out bitching from the jump so I have the option of keeping you or pitching your motherfucking ass! Just like you had to do XYZ to get a nigga, you also have to do XYZ to KEEP a nigga!

3^rd and most important stage is not LOSING a person! Now this is typically where the whole relationship breaks down at. This is typically the failure in the dynamics of the relationship. This is where over time people have grown selfish, they play the blame game on who changed, you don’t look the same no more, we don’t talk no more, pussy and dick done became expired because ya failed at the keep stage, so now people is making each other feel unwanted.Why would i want to be with a person who dont want me?. Now you have that well "I don’t need you attitude". Now you have that " I aint finna do shit and if you don’t like it you can go" attitude. This is why people stay getting divorced. Nobody cares enough to fight for a person because most people fail with keeping there original dynamics up so there is nothing in them that is scared to lose the person they are with. If you REALLY love a person, the thought of them not being around should scare the shit out of you! Why and HOW can you love a person and you let things that you ORIGINALLY was doing destroy your bond? Was there ever really a bond? Was there ever love? Shit what is love if you can on drop of a dime turn it on and off? Could you turn off loving your mother? Or your child? Then why is so easy to turn off a person you claim you love? Is it because you cant remake that child or that mother? Or is it because you’re scared to death to think of your life without those people… If your scared to lose the person you love, you should’ve been trying your hardest to never get to a point of losing them. You should’ve tried your hardest to continue doing XYZ to get them, XYZ to keep them and XYZ not to lose them! You cant do X and Z or X and Y, it takes everything that originally started it to continue it.   Otherwise you have a incomplete alphabet and most importantly a incomplete relationship. Once you have that, you  have a dynamic failure!

My 10 Year Rule

The 10 Year Rule

Typically when I create my blogs, I like to actually talk about general topics. I like to stay more along the lines of things that everyone can relate to and a consensus of thoughts from the majority much more than my personal beliefs. But, today this isn’t one of those topics. This one is more of a personal 10 year rule that I have given myself since I was maybe 19 years old. I once had a person tell me “You don’t know if a person really loves you until you give them every reason not to love you and they still do.” See I’m the type of dude that if you tell me something and it’s kind of deep, I will sit back and let that marinate. If I watch movies, TV, random conversations, etc. and a statement is made to make me think I will really think about it. So as my young self sat there at 19 thinking about that I said “hmmm….that’s deep….”. I mean at the time, I didn’t give a fuck about a person loving me though. You think I cared if a chick loved me if I was good or bad? Shittttt…. I only cared if she loved me for the 2 minutes and 32 seconds it took me to cum……… ok I’m lying….. 1 minute and 32 seconds to cum. I was counting me taking off my clothes the first time. I didn’t care if she had some deep connection or love for me. I was 19! I was only concerned with the simple things in life like video games, music and new pussy! Love? Who needs love when you got new pussy and sloppy blowjobs from different females? But even though I didn’t give a damn about love, that quote made me really think about love for the future. It made me really stop and think that maybe love was something to try one day. So that day was the first day that I considered the Quis “10 year rule”.

Now the first thing you must know about the 10 year rule is it’s not the all be all of rules. There are most definitely exceptions. Like I said these are more my personal set of rules that I go by. Most chicks who have ever talked to me for an extended period of time have heard of the “10 Year Rule”. Its only 2 things I take very serious in this world as far as commitments go and that’s fatherhood and marriage. Everything else is kind of for the birds. O she my girlfriend, O he’s my man.. ooooo shut the fuck up! Don’t nobody care anything about that because that person is not REALLY committed to you. People come and go all the time in relationships. It’s in a human nature to cheat in life in my opinion. You have been cheating as long as you have been living rather or not you realize it or not. You cheated on school test, you cheated on Christmas when you would rip the edge of the paper off the gift to see what color the box was, you cheated when somebody say you can have a bite of their sandwich and you take the biggest bite you can, you cheat when you drive your vehicle everyday because you see the damn speed limit 55 and your ignorant ass still push 65 everyday…..hell you even cheating right now because half of you mothafuckas should be working right now but instead you acting like your busy and reading this damn blog. See how we cheat? It’s what we do as human beings. So I say all this to understand exactly where the key basic essential rules for the “10 year rule” comes from. Cheating isn’t a deal breaker in the 10 years its more like an obstacle.

Now with those 2 things out of the way we can get to the “10 Year rule”. It’s a proven fact these days that majority of marriages now a days end in divorce. People leave for a lot of different reasons in these relationships and I personally don’t believe in divorce. I believe in till death do us part. So fair warning you marry me and want to leave? Bitch I got to kill your ass! I know it’s wrong and illegal, but hey you should’ve thought of that before you took the diamond. O, im going to OJ your mothafucking ass if you want to leave me! You thought I bought that white bronco just for the fuck of it? Na baby, that’s a reminder for your ass! This shit for life! So my 10 year plan is based off the principal that we are going to be together forever. Its easy to be fooled by partners telling you they love you, or they want to be with you and you’re their perfect mate and all that other bullshit people tell you, but the truth is you will never know how much they love you until you give them every reason not to and they still love you. Most people love is based off conditions and convenience. Most relationship these days aren’t actually based off love at all. You REALLY think that person you with love you? Hell no! You are together because it’s cheaper! You know how much it is to pay rent, child support, and car note and groceries nigga? You know Ramen noodles isn’t even 10 cent no more? You can’t afford to eat, live and pay for child support these days. Smart phone? Nigga you want a smart phone? You better be happy with an understanding phone. You are not going be able to afford no damn smart phone. Most relationship's really start based off of this convenience of living and the condition of you got your half and I got mine. This is the first level of trust that you must build in your relationship. If you can’t trust a person with finances, you won’t be able to trust they ass as your other half for the rest of your life. These basic values of my “10 Year Rule’s” are the most important. The fact of the matter is most relationships break up because of money. A broke mothafucka is a very unhappy mothafucka!

If by chance you can make it to a level of trust on the financial side, you can move on to the next level. Now building trust with the finances will typically take about 1-2 years. The first year it’s kind of rough and by the end of year 2, you should be able to depend on your other half when you need to without question. Now why a 2 year step? Well because honestly the first year or so you guys were probably just fucking! See the 10 year Rule is not totally about how long you guys were in a relationship. See the relationship aspect comes with its own set of issues, but you have to count when you guys first started dealing with each other. When you first meet a person everything is all good. New pussy, new dick, new stories you haven’t ever heard, new jokes… everything is new. All that new shit means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in the long run! That isn’t the real person your dealing with its more like there directory person. That’s more like the automated voice person and we all know that thing is one of the most unhelpful inventions in the world! You need to get to the damn human operator! So that first year is you basically pressing 0 over and over again. Eventually you will get irritated but if you still holding the phone when you get a real person on the phone, then you felt like the wait was worth it. The next level is the patience stage. As you have been supremely irritated about the unhelpful “press 3 if you want to view your penis account” automated system, you now have to try to communicate with this person to resolve your issues. Sometimes yelling can get the problem resolved and other times being polite and courteous can get the problem solved. You have to feel out the situation and learn what technique you need to apply to resolve the situation to a satisfactory level. Sometimes this phone call can take another 2 years of services but if you can make it through the trust and communication stages, then your situation is something that can possibly go somewhere.

Now after you have gone through these stages of my 10 year rules, you reach one of the hardest stages. I like to call this the “Expiration” time period. This is the part of the relationship when you really realize how much you DON’T like this mothafucka you are dealing with. This is the stage when that person irritates you, the pussy just isn’t quite the same, you have heard all their damn stories, you hate that hair wrap thing she wear to bed, you hate the way they drive, you even hate the way they use the bathroom. You guys are fighting over things like “why the fuck you have to use so much tissue to wipe your ass??” You know those silly, dumb, pointless things that aren’t really important but you in a stage where you are thinking about new things again. You want to feel wanted again! You want to feel like you are important and new to this person. This is around the time where you start getting reckless. Flirting, Cheating, thinking of leaving and going your separate ways and things of that nature. This is the boring stage of your relationship and the boring stage most times or not is the end. Most times this will end your relationship because the new feeling of the new person can last a little while. To be honest this typically will end your relationship depending on how the new nigga or bitch play the situation. At this stage, your significant other might hate your guts, cut you off, call you all kinds of bitches, broke little dick, stank pussy, dirty shit stain drawls type mothafuckas. This is the part where your relationship will be made or broke. This is the part of your relationship where you will give your mate absolutely NO reason to love you. This stage can last for a year or 2 or forever depending on how bad the situation is. I will tell you this though, if over that time frame, you guys still find common grounds and can be civil even at that rough times and build a civil relationship, you guys love each other. Not that fake I love you or rebound love, but some genuine I love you type shit. That love is very important. If you are keeping up with me, in my rules you are damn near 5 to 6 years in your relationship before you can honestly say “I love you” and REALLY mean it!

Now we have the finances, communication and love aspect down, the next stage is based solely off potential. At this point you are about 5 to 6 years into your relationship, but love alone isn’t going to make your relationship work. You know her family, she knows your family, you probably fucking raw on the regular and not pulling out, she probably have hit you a couple times and he might’ve had to shake your ass up a couple times to because you went ham on him about something petty. You have probably had other partners, hated each other, told your friends you’re done with them and all of that type of talk hurt people do. At this point you notice your still with this person because you are comfortable. You are free to be who you are because you know for the most part this person understands who you are. You have showed them sides, cried and maybe even changed for them in certain aspects. At this point, you have to start seriously considering a long term relationship with this person. So you have to consider what the future can be like. Can I grow to have shit? Can I come up with this person? Can I rely on this person push come to shove? This is the part where you are comfortable and you accept the shit that irritates you and you don’t care about the dumb shit, but you think about can I raise a child with this person. Can I trust her to take care of my child if im gone. Can she make hard decisions? This is the part where the conditions start to change. This is the part where you see just how much a person love you.

At this point you close to the 9 year mark and you have to ask yourself do this person make me happy. If the answer is no, it might be time to call it quits and not waste anymore time because 10 is the cut off spot. At the 9 year mark if I can answer yes to that question, its time to go looking for the ring. Its time to accept something that is the basic principal of a long term committed relationship. The one thing that will truly decide whether or not this is a person you can be with. Unconditional love! You both have experienced enough shit in that 10 year span to HATE each other and you have both gave each other plenty of reasons to not love each other. Plenty fights, plenty fuck you’s, plenty I hate you’s, plenty I fucked your friend…..ok maybe not fucking my friend because that’s a INSTANT Ike Turner moment. Not quite OJ, but I will channel my inner Chris Brown if you fuck my homie and fuck you up!! 10 years is my personal bench mark, but some people might be 5, some people might experience all of that in 3 years. My personal mark is 10 because I know if I can deal with you for 10 and all the drama, hate, cut off’s, fuck you, swallowing of pride and confiding after 10 years? There is no question you are the one for me. Nobody has ever qualified for my 10 year rule. The closes was at the 8 year mark and even though I know she loved me we couldn’t make the other 2 work. Sometimes you can play a good game and lose in the final seconds of the fourth quarter. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad team, it just means you have to learn from your mistakes and play a better game next time. At the end of the day my only qualification for my wife is simple…unconditional love! I guess I just want her to love me when I have given her every reason not to…….

Fear

FEAR

When you ask someone what they fear, you typically get common answers. You will get something like “I fear snakes”, or “I fear dogs”, or “I aint scared of nothing” or something like….kids with a whorebag…. you know typical shit. I don’t think people really put that much thought into what things in life really scare them and what they are really afraid of. The true emotion of fear is a strong one when you really sit back and think about it. Its so much in life to fear and its so much in life the average person fear whether or not they realize it or not. It’s a lot easier to live a life where you actually convince yourself that you are not scared to die, rather than admit to yourself that you’re afraid to live! Living is a scary thing when you think about it. Not even the obvious things like violence, despair and the things that are obvious life deterrents, but just you’re every day things you encounter. Success is scary, love is scary, change is scary, growth is scary and it’s scary to be unafraid.

When you sit back and think about what its like to be successful, you think about money, cars, taking trips, shopping, having raw doggy sex with bad bitches who allow you to do all types of filthy nasty disgusting shit to them. You know? Things of that nature, but there are a lot of fears that comes with what it might take to be successful. A lot of times with success comes, sacrifice of relationships. When you’re striving to be successful, you put a lot of strain on relationships that you have built for a long time. Sometimes it’s as simple as you going in a different direction, other times its people feeling they deserve a portion of your success or you just reach a point where you have a one track mind of success. Sometimes in that mindset, you happen to lose yourself. You tend to blind yourself of things that makes you happy. Not the person that’s attempting to find success, but the person who you are. Deep down you are going to be you no matter what, but it’s sometimes scary on who you become to other people. It’s scary to know your going in a successful direction but knowing everyone around you ok being stuck in neutral. Its scary bringing new people in your circle with those ambitions you have when you know what to expect from those people who stuck in neutral. Sometimes being successful can be a lonely feeling. I can understand why celebrities turn to drug abuse and things of that nature because going from zero to sixty can be tough. When you move that fast, you not only leave others behind but sometimes you even leave yourself behind. That’s a scary thought!

Love….. Love probably is the scariest thing I think we deal with. I used to say I have never been in love before, but I think I have. I think I have experienced that feeling. The thing about love in its basic form and being IN LOVE in its truest form is it’s a scary emotion. Love takes a lot of trust and more importantly faith. To open up and express deep emotions with a person is a really scary thing to do. Everybody have inner thoughts they don’t want to share. Everybody have a stubborn side to them and everybody have a very cold closed side. Even when dealing with friends it’s hard because sometimes you question their motives, much less relationships. I think the reason why it’s so hard to love, is because of the fear of vulnerability. It’s a whole hell of a lot easier to stay enclosed and cold then it is to be vulnerable and open to a person. It’s easier to push a person away than it is to pull them closer when times hard. It’s a lot easier to yell when your angry than it is to talk about what you’re angry about. It’s scary for a person to know what you feel and think. It’s scary to think about what a person might actually do with the information if they know how you feel. It’s easier to dodge a problem than it is to address it sometimes. Plus, how do you address a problem with someone you love? How do you tell your homie he a bum ass nigga? How do you tell your homegirl she a selfish bitch? How do you tell your significant other you’re not happy? Do you just say it? Do you be straight up? Or do you try to figure a way to say it nicely out of fear of how they will take it?? Should you even be concerned with that fear when if you love them you should be able to express yourself freely?? Scary thought. I’ve heard everybody loves differently, but I don’t know if that’s true. I think everybody love with different levels of fear. Sometimes when a person say they hate you, its just there way of covering up how much they love you. Other times when a person says how much they love you, it’s just the fear of them being alone talking and not the true emotion of love. Love should be so simple, yet so complicated.

Change is scary to all! When you’re comfortable in what you have been doing for so long, it’s really scary to change up. You have the thought of well its worked for me all this time so why change now? Well, has it really? Sometimes what we are comfortable with isn’t what works at all. It might work to the outside, but inside the thoughts of change eat at you. People think about change of scenery, changing jobs, friends, mates, etc. but the reason they never go in is because change is scary. If you’re accustomed to a certain thing, it’s hard to change that. When I was 16 and left my hometown it was hard. Even though I knew damn well it wasn’t much in life to look forward by staying there, I KNEW my city! I knew what places was fun, I knew how to maneuver around my city, I knew which chicks would be pregnant by 7^th grade, I knew which niggas would shoot me, hell I even knew which bitches pussy stank. I knew what death was, I knew who was selling dope if I ever needed to get put on, and I just knew my environment. Leaving that, to come to a place where it’s predominately white, they don’t have family affairs at ojibway and people don’t shoot their guns off at midnight on new years eve was scary. Being in a classroom where kids actually listened was scary…I remember walking through the school like “ya aint got no smoke door here??”. Different environment and scary! Even though technically my environment I was accustomed to was way worse, it was what I was accustomed to. That was my norm! At the time that was normal… but sometimes your norm, is abnormal. Sometimes your comfort should be uncomfortable. Being 30 rocking long ass Tee Shirts and jeans saggin off your ass should feel wrong. With change comes maturity…with maturity comes change. With both sometimes comes fear! Fear of the change, fear of what others think and don’t tell yourself “I don’t care what others think”. BULLSHIT!!! We all do cause unfortunately its human nature to care. We all also share a fear of being unaccepted.

Fear controls a lot of our life whether we realize it or not. People fear being happy but at the same time fear being lonely. People fear forgiving but at the same time fear losing. People fear repeating a mistake but at the same fear correcting it…… What do you fear?? The bigger question is “What DON’T you fear?”