Top 10 things that makes you look stupid to the Opposite Sex

The Top 10 things that makes you look stupid As Hell to the opposite sex

Fellas:
1. If you have a lil dick , dont pull out no trojan Magnum before you get some.

2. Dont say your getting money and you always broke.

3. Dont pick up a girl in a car on 26's and ask her for gas money.

4. Dont talk about how you going to beat the pussy up and cum before the commercials are over.

5. Dont talk bad about your baby mama, but you NEVER EVER have your own child!

6. Trying to smooth talk a woman, but your breath smells like you've been eating liver and ass sandwiches.

7. Putting cologne over musk.

8. If you have a crib with no furniture in it and actually have the nerves to invite the chick over.

9. Take her out to eat a fast food spot and give her a price limit on what she can spend..... o ya niggas know what i mean. " Hey bae i aint got no money so u betta get a double cheeseburger and a value fry".

10. If your 25 or older and still wears 4 different chains at one time.


Women
1. This phrase " Im sorry but you know i dont be sucking dick like that! " ( WTF is like that? )

2. Too much make up on.... If i can spell my name in your face, your over doing it baby.

3. Your idea of dinner is Easy Mac.

4. You try to pull some bullshit in real life that you heard in a song. ( Pull that Beyonce Independant Women shit if you want and you gone pay all the bills, bills, bills, in this bitch! )

5. Telling your friend who want to fuck us how good we fuck you!

6. Being musty in the club..... and why in the fuck is the musty ass chick the one who always got her fucking arms up on every damn song??

7. You got 3 kids and 4 baby daddy's....... lol... I know a chick with this issue...dumb ass broad

8. Having a issue with your man and asking his friends for advice....

9. Not acknowledging the fact you are getting fat, and wearing clothes that are just WRONG and yelling "boy i just done got thick." If your ankle looks like a rump roast in them hills baby, that aint thick... thats boarderline obese.

10. Calling another girl a hoe, when your one... ( see post below..Yes Your Still A Hoe for details......HOE! lmao)

What She Really Means

What up ladies and gents? Today's topic will be about what ladies REALLY mean. See ladies have this special coded language that most dudes dont understand. Its a real smooth language that they KNOW most men wont be able to deciper. Lucky for you dudes, i understand it! I was raised by more women then anything, so over the years ive decoded this language for the ages. Im going to have a list of phrases, and let you fellas know REALLY what she means.


" Why dont you ever hold me no more?"


Ok fellas this is a complicated statement right here. The first thing you can do to fail her test is say "aww baby come here". She dont want you to do that! Her point was to inform you that "nigga you know i got some other niggas willing to do what your ass aint doing right?" The word "hold" is code for alot of things. It also means talk, taking her out to social settings and fucking! Yep what she is telling you is, nigga i dont have that feeling for you that i used to have. I used to get this feeling when you held me, talked to me or just looked at me that i no longer get....but i could probably get it from that dude over there.


" Baby its not about the size as long as i like it. thats all you should worry bout!"


Ok fellas to women, SIZE DOES MATTER! They lying! Now the truth is, do it mean they wont enjoy sex with you? No! As long as u got about 6, u iight,(anything under that though fellas, It might be kinda rough for you out here") but its just like us looking at Buffy's ass or Pamela Lee titties...its just good to look at! Women just like knowing the fact that they man got something huge down there. Truth be told, most women dont even enjoy getting banged by some 10 inch joint like that, but they enjoy having the option. I know this beautiful black women who said to me " yea my 50" tv broke and now im watching this 46" tv... i need my 50"! Those 4 inches are important". Now technically is watching that 46" and 50" THAT much different? No! But she like knowing that she got a 50! So all she is telling you is, " baby yo shit aint beasting or nothing, but i can deal with it because i love you....". Nigga please believe though, if they come out with a penis pill that really increased your size by 3 inches, you would be getting a supply on your birthday!


" I dont need this shit! I can do bad by myself!"


This right here in female talk means, " Nigga u a fucking bum!"...... in a nice way. Its her way of saying yo broke ass brings absolutley nothing to the table. Not a fork, napkin, chicken nugget or nothing. She is saying for the kinda of person you are, she rather be by her self. Now to truly understand this comment fellas, its not totally referring to money. She means all around the board. You are not challenging her mentally or physically. She dont enjoy your conversation or mindset at all! See even if you broke, if a women feels like you serve a purpose beyond that, then she will attempt to put u up on game. If she feel not only is this nigga a broke nigga, he a ol stupid nigga who cant even carry a conversation? She can do it by herself. See fellas the truth is, good sex wont keep a WOMAN around. A HOE? Yerp! A HOMAN ( thats like a hybrid hoe and woman..they exist nigga) ? maybe... but a WOMAN? Na! A woman knows she can get good sex elsewhere and she prolly keep 2 or 3 toys on stash that she enjoy more than any dick any way. So to keep a woman homie, you gotta keep yo mental game up too.


Now fellas pay close attention to this right here..... This is a lie that a female will tell yo black ass! Ive even got caught in this lie before. Its the smoothest shit and it also works 99.9% of the time. Its a dangerous line fellas. Pay cloooose attention.


" Its ok! Im on birthcontrol"


Nigga!!!! They will tell you this RIGHT before you almost to that moment and now i know this is tough to do but you have to hop out of the couchee. Its a set up! She is really not on birth control. That lady know in that moment your going be like "fuck it" and then they hit u a month later saying they are pregnant. Now what you must know is, that girl more than likely was already pregnant, but the male she know is prolly the BD, dont want sh*t to do with her ass. So she choose you because you seem alot more responsible and probably will give her abortion money. When you hear "Its ok im on birth control" STOP NIGGGGGA! O please stop! If you dont, i promise i will be watching yo ass on Maury and we will be watching her give a " ima 150% sure" speech and then running back stage saying Aghhhhhhhhhh!

My Dream Girl

Today a nigga feeling poetic! Let this simmer with ya! See im not always just bogus and silly. Sometimes i can be sensitive and thought provoken.


My Dream Girl.....
I miss you alot. I used to see you all the time now not as much. I remember the first time I saw you I just knew you was the one I always wanted. Beautiful, Smart, Witty and Attractive. You were almost too good to be true. It was like I created you and you were sent to me free of charge. It kinda hurts now that I rarely see you now. I know a couple times you had to leave and better your life so I let you. I still held you down like a man was suppose to and just when that burden felt to heavy to hold you always came back. It was like your timing was right on point all the time. Lately you dont spend any time with me. I know I sound a little different than I usually do, but its just the way you made me feel. I try to deal with the time in between seeing you and not seeing you as best as I can but now the time in between is too long. The burden is too heavy. I guess no matter how good a dream is we always wake up. I guess my 8 hours of sleep was up and it was time to go back to reality. Even in reality though, I think of the first time I dreamed about you. That dream just wont go away. So even though my dream is not coming true right now and I dont blame you or me, because as long as I live I have another night of sleep and another chance of seeing you again.....

Males vs Men

Males and Niggas Vs Men

"Men aint shit! They all the same!". This is a statement that most females have said... o wait, "Niggas aint shit! They all the same!". Now that i covered even my ghetto mami's, i can say these are things ALL females have said. I can understand why women would make this statement and honestly, i partially agree. Niggas? aint shit! Most males? Aint shit! BUT MEN? are thee shit! See the question alot of females fail to ask themselves is, " why i keep getting these shitty ass dudes?". The answer? Its yo ass! Why is there alot of females that are totally happy and have VERY good men? Because they have MEN! There is a big difference between men and males. Every male with a penis aint a men! You women have to realize the difference before you ever find you a good man, until you know the differences between the 2, you will always get cheated on, beat on, disrespected, used and dog'd and your the blame. Yes YOU are the blame! Its not that nigga or males fault. They tell you exactly who they are from the get go, but that good dick from the back or that nice car cloud yo damn judgement. Lucky for you ladies, im going to explain the difference between the 2. Im also going to give you the game on what to look for if you want a relationship.

A nigga and a male is completely different just like a whorebag and a woman are completely different. When women see your friends come over she try to cook or be a hostess. She want your friends to say "damn bro u got it good! I need to get me one of them.". A whorebag on the other hand, she want to sit up under ya ass and giggle and laugh with ya because she want your friends to say "damn she cool... i bet i can fuck his bitch if i wanted too!". Males and Men aint much different. Males think that your friends is his friends. He think that your more like a stepping stone rather than the mountain. The male look at you like your only as good as his  next option. You might be iight, but that bad bitch over there is better. Her ass is fatter, her face is better and he cant wait for a chance to see if her pussy is better! Until them other options give a notion that its a go, he setttling with yo ass. Now MEN on the other hand, every chick they see and meet,  they to realize if that female is a bad bitch, but they are comparing her to you. See a man understand the value in a woman. A MAN wont risk losing a woman for a whorebag so even if she has a better ass and face, he aint gone risk losing this girl that accept his flaws. See a man understand his shortcomings and he look to his better half to be whatever he is not and to also make him comfortable with those shortcomings. A man understand his money, he understand his looks, he understand his dick, he understand his attitude and he also understand his better half also do and accept him as is. He's not judging his woman on the factors she might think. He's not judging her off if her ass fat, he's judging her on if i die will this woman hold my kids down! He's judging her on can i acheive things with her! Will my mama like her? If my boys tried to fuck would she put them in they place and let me know about it. If i wasnt around will she rep me like i was there myself! As much as women look to a man for protection, MEN look at their woman for that same feel. She protects you from yourself! A man can still be a male/nigga at times just like a woman could  be a whorebag, but that woman protects that man from doing dumb shit by doing her job! In return, that man feels a obligation to make sure his woman is taken care of. He protects her, he makes her smile, he holds her, he talks to her about life because she is HIS LIFE and his BETTER HALF! A man will accept the fact his woman got a past and has flaws as well. A good man isnt going to allow his woman to walk around with those flaws without attempting to fix them and making her a better woman. To the same point, a woman is gone allow her man to fix her flaws. A woman understands the difference between being independant, and ignorant. If you want a relationship, its not about you being independant, but its about ya being codependant!

For all you women who wonder why ya keep getting bad males, its either because your getting Niggas and Males, or maybe your a whorebag and not a woman your damn self! Ima give some game to the  fellas and ladies. You want to know what a successful relationship is like? U really do? ok.............................. sorry i had to make yo sweat a little bit! haha..... but the answer is, its BORING! Its really fucking boring! Ya take ya ass to work, ya save up ya money, ya follow ya plan as far as goals, take care of ya kids and in the process, ya create fun moments with each other. TOGETHER, needs to be ya fun! When ya around each other, ya need to enjoy that. I dont mean at no club together, i mean at home while ya cooking, washing clothes, washing ya cars, play the PS3 together, watch her corny reality shows, watch the NFL game with him baby and if it gets boring to u, give him a blowjob! Ya interaction with each other is the fun! Every now and then, fellas take ya girl on a trip! Buy her something nice and make her feel important. Every now then ladies, come home turn the lights off and strip for your man, give him a pedicure or something.  Other times, let your girl go have her fun with the girls and ladies let that men go to the strip club or something to see another chick or something. Thats how you keep your relationship strong! IF your lady aint complying, get rid of that whorebag. If your man aint complying, then you just learned the difference between a male and man!

Beat They Lil Ass!

Beat They Lil Ass!

Todays entry will be about something that irritates the shit outta me personally….bad ass kids! I cant stand bad ass kids! I cant stand that kid that come into the store with they parents and yell and throw tempter tamp trams about a damn toy! Whats even worse, is when the wack ass parent sit there and negotiate with they kid. Negotiate? With a kid? Shittttt… only thing my grandma use to negotiate with me about was the switch! If I got a switch that she deemed unacceptable, she sent me right back to the tree to get another one. Now adays, people sit there and offer they kids ice cream to go in a store and behave. My moms gave me the “boy don’t go in this store acting no fool! I will beat yo ass right in this store!” speech. Now a lot of times when im around people with bad ass kids, they give u a warning like “im telling you now, my kids bad”. I always think, na yo kids aint bad, you just a bad ass parent and u need to call 1800-Beat-Akid. There is specialist all over the world! U just have to call and have us come through. So today for you parents who think you have “bad ass kids”, ima tell you everything that’s a beat yo kids ass offense.

#1. If your kid uses curst words on the regular, this is the time when you call a specialist like myself, to BEAT THEY MOTHAFUCKIN ASS! You don’t let them say fuck, shit and bitch like they grown. Your over grown ass bout sit there and laugh like “see I told u they bad”. No they aint bad, but u a bad parent! As soon as a specialist like me is around and they say those words, I bring a belt out the sky blue and BEAT THEY ASS! I aint saying watch yo mouth or none of that shit! U beat they ass right off of top, and afterwards when that kid is sitting there with snot running out of they nose and doing the sniffles, u ask them some shit that will fuck they whole head up… “ U want something to eat?” Now u know damn well that kid aint hungry after that whopping, but what that do is let them know who's in charge. Yea u beat they ass and feed them, then afterwards you send they ass to clean YO room. Yea YO room! U know why, cause u hope they say “well I aint mess up yo room why I gotta clean it?”. Then u know what u do? U BEAT THEY ASS AGAIN! Straight up! Then that kid will learn, maybe I shouldn’t question this mothafucka because they beasting with that damn belt! See yo kids have to fear you! U can be friends and shit later when their older, but while they young u beat they mothafucking ass! Once they are frightened by the look, ( this becomes effective after you have let it be know u will tear they lil fucking ass up! ) then u can start talking to them. Until then though, you beat they ass! Watch how respectful they be to yo ass!

#2. When you ask someone to baby sit yo bad ass kids, you must be prepared to give them full responsibility to BEAT THEY ASS! Now I understand some people don’t want other people to beat they kids, and that’s why u have to follow #1, BUT even being, kids have a tendency to try people who aint they parents. Now its important u let other people beat they mothafuckin ass too though! See it’s a bigger lesson to learn. When they grow up and is out in the streets, if they disrespect someone they will get they ass beat! They cant count on mama and daddy to save them, so its imperative, that they learn early at any given time my ass can be beat! When other people have the authority to get in that ass, kids tend to think twice. They tend to weigh out pros and cons which will help them in life as they get older. They gone be a little bit more like, “damn…. Fuck it! I don’t feel like getting my ass whop!”. Now if u one of them people that say “well I don’t want nobody touching my kid”, I understand… and u shouldn’t be asking nobody to watch them little mothafuckas either! If u ask a nigga like me to watch yo kid, and they jumping on my shit, or breaking my shit, im breaking they mothafuckin ass! I aint bullshitting either! I can promise you one thing, I don’t know how they will come to my house, but they will leave that bitch like they went to bootcamp. They will come home washing all types of dishes. See if you punk ass parents stop being “friends” and start being “parents” you wouldn’t need a nigga like me to beat respect in yo damn kids.

Now im not saying nobody should abuse they kids, I just think you should beat they fucking ass! Once they reach teenage years, you no longer use a belt….that’s just excessive ass whoppins and that’s wrong… that is the part when you start punching them in they mothafuckin chest! For real, hit that nigga dead in his shit! If it’s a girl, u tell her mama to body slam her ass! U must let them know, “nigga u aint that big! I’ll still fuck u up!”. Its important to the mindset of your child. Even though I could prolly whop my mama ass, I would never try it. Why? Cause that heffa crazy! Im not running up on that lady! THAT’S how your kids pose to look at u! As a fucking parent and not a buddy! U don’t sit there and let they young ass smoke blunts with u! U take they blunt, beat they ass, and then smoke up they shit while they watch! U let them see how wasting that $20 wasn’t the way to go! If yor pussy ass still don’t want to whop yo kids ass, I understand. When they ass is on AMW in 10 years and u talking bout “my baby is a good boy” and he done raped 10 women and shot 4 niggas, ima beat yo mothafucking ass! So if u scared to beat that ass, just call a nigga like me! I will not only beat they ass for you, I will teach them a lesson in life. In life there can always be a physical confrontation from any form of disrespect. You can not just running around disrespecting people and thinking someone wont physically get in that ass! Its better u teach your child earlier than later. A beat down from they parent, is much better than a gun shot from their peer. So If u don’t wanna whop they ass, hire me! I’ll beat the dog shit outta that damn child! It will be one less child in the streets trying to rob my child!

Your Girl Is A Porn Star

Your Woman Is A Porn Star!

I have realized that a lot of man are not aware that their woman is a porn star. Don’t argue with me nigga, YES SHE IS! She just as nasty as all of them broads in Phat Azz Vol 2.  A lot of men are unaware that every nasty, dirty, kinky thing that they see “Pinky”,” Cheerokee” and “Vanessa Blue” do in porn and think “damn she is nasty as fuck!…..where is my lotion..”, that you have your own personal porn star already. You just got her ass cooking Ramen Noodles and folding up your dirty draws. What you don’t know is, not only WOULD your girl do all that filthy sh*t, she WANTS to do that filthy sh*t! She wants nothing more than to do some nasty sh*t to your ass! You just gotta quit being a bitch ass n*gga and ask. Ive had numerous talks with my boys about sex, and a lot of times they seemed shocked when I say I cum on girls faces. They be like" your girl let you do that?" I’m like EVERY girl lets me do it! So to all of you dudes who haven't been in my inner circle and don’t know the secrets to making your girl a porn star, I'm going to give you the pointers.

First and foremost, you have to understand your nasty ass level of porn star.. me personally, my level up there, but rookie n*gga who don’t know your girl is a porn star, you must discover yours. Now it’s a checkpoint to see just how nasty your girl is. Don’t confuse freaky with nasty. A freaky chick can be just any ol girl, but a nasty girl is the most beautiful thing ever. Now being that my personal favorite is cuming on the face, I will explain to you how to do this. Now keep in mind fellas, this might not be your thing, but no matter what your thing is, your nasty, filthy girl WANTS to do that shit! Trust and believe.

#1. It is a process with busting on a girls face. You cant just come straight out and bust on her face the first time without knowing the rules and cumulations.( yea that’s my word!) You can not, I REPEAT can NOT attempt this act after a bullshit sex session. If u ran in the pussy on some 3 minute sh*t and attempt the face shot, u will probably get slapped! So u better make sure you was going in! Now while doing this, u have to test the girl to make sure your REALLY doing your thing. Its true fellas, girls lie and fake the sh*t all the time. Don’t believe all that moaning and groaning sh*t. N*gga she’s probably had bigger and is thinking about what bag match her shoes or some sh*t. So this is the first thing you must attempt to see how into it she is….. Choke her ass! Yea nigga really! She wants you too! She will not stop you, now u cant over do it though. Don’t choke her until she is blue or nothing, but you give her a slightly aggressive choke. If she say, “n*gga wtf is wrong wit u?”, you are not doing your thing! If she don’t say nothing at all, you have passed step 1.

#2. Now after you have successfully choked her ass, the next thing you want to do is talk some sh*t! Now this is key with finding out if your girl is ready to be pornographic or not. You ask her, “ You like this d**k don’t you?”. If she say “un huh”, got dammit n*gga you are not doing your thing! Now if she say “ F*ck yea!”, then your good! Then you must ask “ Do this p*ssy love this d*ck?” ( now don’t forget to change the word to love. Its important! Even though she might not actually love your ass, if you hitting it right, she do love you at that moment) if she say “Un huh” n*gga she lying, but if she say “she loves that d*ck”, that means she’s talking about her pussy in the 3^rd person. Every woman does this, it don’t matter how bad she is homie she talks to her girl down there. Now once you have got confirmation on this, you can pop the most important question. “So where you want me to cum?”

#3. Now once you get to that question, the girl's response is very important. If her ass say, “what you mean?” then n*gga you are not getting it in and she faked every other step and that there is a bad chick! You have to respect the game and realize she will probably call “Negro number 2” to come over and bring her porn star out later. BUT, if she say “ Wherever you want to!”, your home free home! Now at this point u don’t ask her ass sh*t else! Now you start demanding sh*t! This is the part where  you say “ Im going to put it on your face baby! That’s where you want it baby!”. Her nasty, filthy ass will simply say “yes daddy”.

WARNING: At this point though you have to start including race in this equation. If she is white, Asian or Indian, then you can just wildly get it in, but if she is black or Latin then homie it is important you aim NOT to hit the hair! If a drop hit that hair, she wont be allowing no more face shots for your ass! The sister's do not wanna flat iron her hair for 2 hours because you couldn’t aim.

Now I have gave you all the pointers needed to make your girl a nasty, filthy, slut…. For you!  You can thank me later like Drake! I have more pointers, but if I told you n*ggas ALL the game, then I couldn’t make your girl potentially video tape it with me.. Taaaaa.. I don’t care what you think about your girl, if you thank I'm just talking sh*t, try it and find out that your girl is a porn star!

Ugly People Do Ugly Shit

Ugly People Do Ugly Shit

You ever notice ugly ass people do ugly ass shit? Like you know they're ugly just by the shit they do. Have you ever been out and ran into a ugly person you know and they ask you for your number? You give it to them and they type it in a ugly ass phone? I'm not even talking about like a ugly person even getting at you, it can be a ugly old classmate. Why they ask you to do ugly shit all the time? They always want to invite you to their ugly ass house where they do ugly shit at too. My godsister was telling me last night about a old ugly classmate we had that she gave her number too and I couldn’t help but laugh and think of all the ugly shit she would get asked to do. She's going to get ugly phone calls, invited to ugly ass party's and have ugly drinks. Then she will get invited to a ugly house, where a ugly boyfriend and 3 ugly kids live. They will eat ugly ass dinners and play ugly ass family games. For holidays, they will eat ugly ass thanksgiving turkeys and light up ugly ass fireworks. Then they will tuck their kids into ugly ass beds with ugly ass comforters and read them kids ugly ass bedtime stories about ugly ass bears. When you have problems, they even give you ugly ass advice! How can ugly people do so much ugly shit? See ugly people are special people! Nobody can master the art of ugly shit like ugly people. Look at Reggie Miller, homie was ugly with a ugly jumpshot and wore ugly wristbands but his jumper was GREAT! Look at people like Sam Cassell, he ugly, he had a ugly game, played for ugly teams and wore ugly jerseys and still won 2 rings. Shabba Ranks was a great reggae singer....but one of the ugliest niggas of all time! Jay-Z is ugly with a ugly wife….well naw she a bad bitch! But he got a ugly car…..well naw his whip game is up…but he got a ugly ass….ok well he ugly but the rest of that nigga shit is rather beautiful. Its always a exception to the rule I guess… I guess all ugly people don’t do ugly shit huh?

Yes Your Still A Hoe

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